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PAT AND ROSE HAD A LOT OF ABILITY,
BUT WERE LOW ON COMPATABILITY
THEIR MARRIAGE, OF COURSE
ENDED IN A DIVORCE,
WHICH THEY REGRETTED UNTIL THEIR SENILITY!!
THEIR DATE STARTED OUT WITH MUCH LAUGHTER,
BUT WHEN SHE FOUND WHAT HE WAS AFTER.
SAID "MY MOTHER SAYS NO
I'M AFRAID I MUST GO,
BECAUSE WHAT YOU WANT, I DON'T HAVE TER!!"
DOWN LOVER'S LANE SOME COUPLES WERE WALKING,
WHILST OTHERS WERE COURTING AND TALKING.
WHEN A YOUNG LADY COP
TOLD THEM THEY MUST STOP,
A VOICE TOLD HER SHE SHOULDN'T BE GAWKING*
*GAWKING = TO LOOK OR STARE!
HE SAID "YOU HAVE SUCH LOVELY EYES"
"TELL ME MORE" SHE SAID IN BETWEEN SIGHS.
TO COOL DOWN HER PASSION
HE SAID "THAT'S YOUR RATION"
SO SHE KICKED HIM HARD====AS A SURPRISE!
THE WISE OLD SULTAN OF BANGALAPORE
HAD SEVEN WIVES,BUT WANTED SOME MORE.
HE HELD AN AUDITION
TO UPHOLD THIS TRADITION,
TOLD HIS MINISTERS "I DO LOVE THIS CHORE"!!
A YOUNG GIRL THAT I KNEW, I CALLED CARRIE
HEARD THE SONG "LET HIM GO, LET HIM TARRY"
HER YOUNG MAN AT THE CHURCH
SHE LEFT STANDING AT THE LURCH
SHE'S STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO MARRY!
A YOUNG YOUTH WITH HIS HEAD IN THE MIST
BY A FEMALE HAD NEVER BEEN KISSED.
BECAUSE OF THIS FACT
TO HIMSELF MADE A PACT
HE WILL BECOME A MISOGYNIST*
*woman hater
HE SAID "WE WILL GO TO A MOTEL"
SHE SAID "IT WILL BE A HOTEL"!
HE SAID "I'VE NO DOUGH"
SHE SAID "WE WON'T GO-"
BUT I PROMISE YOUR WIFE I'LL NO TELL!!"
A BRIGHT STUDENT AT THE N.Y.U.
WAS COERCED INTO SAYING "I DO".
HIS GIRL GAVE A RENDITION
OF A CERTAIN CONDITION.
SAID IF THEY DIDN'T WED, SHE WOULD SUE!!
THE MAIDEN WAS CONSIDERED QUITE CHASTE,
THOSE WHO COURTED HER THOUGHT THIS A WASTE!
WITH HER THEY DID REASON
SHE SAID 'TWOULD BE TREASON".
SHE WAS ALREADY THE ROYAL PRINCE'S TASTE!!
SHE MADE FRIENDS WITH A YOUNG UNDERTAKER,
HER PREVIOUS BOYFRIEND DID FORSAKE HER.
SHE STARTED TO CURSE
WHEN HE TURNED UP WITH A HEARSE,
SHE SAID THE NEXT TIME SHE'D DATE A BAKER!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED CONSTANCE
WHO WITH BOYS WOULD NOT STAND ANY NONSENSE.
IF HER PARTNERS GREW DEFT
SHE WOULD LEAD WITH HER LEFT,
THE RESULTS WOULD NOT WEIGH ON HER CONSCIENCE.
HE WAS LATE GETTING OUT OF HIS BED,
RAN TO WORK. CROSSED THE MEN WHEN ON RED.
TO COMPLETE HIS DAY'S START
BOTH HIS SHOES FELL APART,
HE STOPPED. THIS WAS THE DAY TO GET WED!!
IKE'S FIANCEE SAID "I WANT A MINK"
SHE GAVE HIM NO TIME FOR A THINK!
"FULL LENGTH AND THE BEST
NOT JUST BRIEF FOR MY CHEST"
IKE SAID "YOU'D BETTER TALK TO YOUR SHRINK"*
* Psychiatrist.
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED MIRELLA,
WHO SPENT HER SPARE TIME CHASING A FELLAH.
SHE HAD CAUGHT AND LOST TWO,
SHE NEEDS MORE THAN A FEW,
"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S NO ADDER OR SPELLER"!!
MARY ANN WAS THE YOUNGEST IN THE CLAN
SHE'S ALWAYS LEFT TO "CARRY THE CAN".
WHEN THE GIRLS WERE ALL WED
DAD WAS LEFT "IN THE RED"
SHE'D NO CHOICE BUT TO WED A WEALTHY MAN.
HE DROVE HIS GIRLFRIEND TO THE DOOR,
HE KISSED HER GOODNIGHT; NOTHING MORE!
HER DAD,LOOKING OUT
AT HIM STARTED TO SHOUT,
"THE NEXT TIME YOU COME ROUND, IT'S THE LAW.
WHEN THEIR EYES MET, THEY HEARD VIOLINS,
HE IN UNIFORM, SHE WORE CRINOLINES.
AS THEY DANCED THE GAVOTTE,
SHE SAID SHE'D RATHER NOT,
BUT DIDN'T CARE TO HEAR HIS MANDOLINS!
THERE WAS A YOUNG BAKER NAMED GARY,
WHO ANNOUNCED HE WAS GOING TO MARRY.
HE WOULD MARRY HIS COUSIN
PRODUCE A BAKER'S DOZEN,
SHE SAID THAT HE'D BETTER NOT TARRY!!
IF YOU'RE ONE OF THAT GROUP, THE HENPECKED,
THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS JOIN A SECT!
YOU'LL GET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE,
BE A MAN, NOT A MOUSE,
IT WILL HELP YOU GET BACK SELF-RESPECT!!
THERE WAS AN OLD MAID FROM TANGIERS,
SHE HADN'T BEEN DATED FOR MANY YEARS.
AT A CHARITY FETE
SHE WAS ASKED FOR A DATE,
IN HER MIND SHE GAVE THREE HEARTY CHEERS!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM NEATH,
TOOK HIS GIRL FOR A WALK ON THE HEATH.
HE WAS A WEE BIT TIGHT,
SHE TOOK A SWING WITH HER RIGHT,
GOING HOME, IN HIS HAND, A FEW TEETH!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED CECILE,
WHO LOVED TO RIDE ON THE BIG FERRIS WHEEL.
WHAT WOULD ADD TO THE JOY
WAS HOLDING TIGHT TO HER BOY,
AS THEY WENT ROUND IT WAS SQUEAL AFTER SQUEAL!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED LOU
WHO WAS CONSIDERED TO BE A YOUNG SHREW.
BEFORE SHE WAS MARRIED
SHE WASN'T HASTLED AND HARRIED,
HER SPOUSE NOW DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED CHRISSIE,
WHO WAS KNOWN AS A KISSABLE MISSIE.
A YOUNGMAN DRESSED SO NEATLY
WAS DEMOLISHED COMPLETELY
WHEN SHE STARED, AND SHE MOUTHED "YOU'RE A SISSY"!!
I KNEW A SHY STUDENT NAMED DREW
WHO, TO A GOOSE, WOULD NEVER SAY "BOO".
HE WAS AS HAPPY AS LARRY
WHEN THE GIRL HE WOULD MARRY
SAID IN REPLY TO HIS QUESTION-"I DO"!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADDY NAMED BARRY
WHO WAS IN NO GREAT HURRY TO MARRY.
HIS GIRLFRIEND, MARY LOU
SAID "HAVE I NEWS FOR YOU"
"IF I WERE YOU I WOULD NO LONGER TARRY"!
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL, DAISY MAE,
TO A LAD DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
SHE WOULD NOT MAKE A DATE
BUT SIMPLY SAT DOWN TO WAIT,
(SHE'S BEEN SITTING THERE MANY A DAY!!)
I HAVE A GOOD FRIEND WHO'S CALLED DALE,
WHO SAID HE WAS DATING YOUNG GAIL.
I SAID "DON'T WAIT TILL MORNING,
PLEASE HEED MY GAIL WARNING,
SHE'S YOUNG ENOUGH TO HAVE YOU SENT TO JAIL"!
THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL, O SO CHASTE,
SOME BOYS FOUND THIS JUST TO THEIR TASTE.
WHEN THEY WENT FOR A WALK
THEY DID NOTHING BUT TALK,
WHICH SOME OF THEIR FRIENDS CALLED A WASTE!!
MY SISTER'S NEW BOYFRIEND WAS BEAUCHAMP,
WHEN SHE WANTED HIM SHE COULDN'T REAUCHAMP.
IF THEY HAD A DATE
HE ARRIVED VERY LATE,
SHE DECIDED A LESSON TO TEAUCHAMP!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED DOT,
SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT SHE'S GOT!
PERHAPS IT'S A STRANGE GIFT
THAT GIVES HER EGO A LIFT,
BUT THE BOYS SEEM TO LIKE IT A LOT!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW NAMED CLAUD,
WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS EASILY BORED.
TO GET A SECOND DATE
DECIDED THEIR FATE,
A THIRD DATE BROUGHT A WATCH AS REWARD!!
SHE WENT OFF WITH HER FRIEND FOR THE NIGHT,
THE THOUGHT GAVE HER MOTHER A FRIGHT.
HER GIRL WITH A BLOKE?
THIS THOUGHT MADE HER CHOKE.
SHE HOPED SHE KNEW HER WRONGS FROM HER RIGHT!!
I ONCE HAD A NEIGHBOUR CALLED VICTOR,
WHO ASSAULTED HIS WIFE. IN FACT, KICKED HER.
WHEN ARRESTED HER CRIED
THAT HE WISHED SHE HAD DIED,
TOOK OUT A GUN, SHOT AT, BUT JUST NICKED HER!!
A YOUNG CHINESE MAIDEN, PRINCESS DOVE,
KNEW A PEASANT BOY, WHOM SHE DID LOVE.
TO START HIM REVEALING
WHAT SHE KNEW HE WAS FEELING,
SHE OFFERED GIFTS TO THE G-DS UP ABOVE!!
A GIRL, STEPHANIE, KNOWN SIMPLY AS STEVE,
NOT YET SEVENTEEN BUT VERY NAÏVE.
SHE'D GO OUT WITH A BOY,
SHE'D SIMPER, AND BE COY,
SHE WAS WEARING HER HEART ON HER SLEEVE!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED CHRIS,
ON A FIRST DATE SHE'D NOT EVEN KISS!
HER BOYFRIEND, QUITE PERPLEXED,
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CAME NEXT,
IN HIS LIFE HE'D NOT MET SUCH A MISS!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM LOUTH, LINCS.
WHO MARRIED THE TOWN'S LOCAL MINX.
AFTER ERRORS AND TRIALS
HE RAN AWAY MANY MILES,
TO AVOID HIS EX WIFE, HIS EX JINX.
MY SWEETHEART AND I ARE JUST WED,
ALREADY I WISH I WERE DEAD!!
TWO WEEKS SHE'S BEEN SPENDING,
IT WAS TIME NEVERENDING,
WE ARE THOUSANDS OF POUNDS IN THE RED!!
HER NEW BOYFRIEND BECAME SUCH A PEST,
WHEN HE CAME TO HER HOUSE---JUST TO REST!
WHEN HE STARTED TO SNORE,
SHE SHOWED HIM THE FRONT DOOR,
THIS LOVEBIRD WOULD NOT SHARE HER LOVE NEST!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED MARTY,
WHO CONSIDERED HERSELF QUITE A SMARTY.
HER CHOICE OF MEN DATES
DID NOT PLEASE HER GIRL MATES,
THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS ACTING TOO TARTY!!!
A YOUNG GERMAN FRAULEIN. LUDMILLA,
HAD A BOYFRIEND KNOWN AS A KILLER.
HE TREATED HER ROUGHLY,
BUT ADDED QUITE GRUFFLY,
THAT SHE WAS HIS OWN GRANADILLA**
Granadilla = passion flower!
THE SENORITA,MARIE, WAS BOLIVIAN,
HER BOYFRIEND, FROM ENGLAND, WAS VIVIAN.
THIS NOT PLEASE HER MOTHER,
SO TO SAVE FURTHER BOTHER,
THEY RODE OFF IN THE NIGHT---TO OBLIVION!!
AN INDIAN CHIEF HAD A NICE DAUGHTER,
WHOSE NAME ,FOR US, IS SPARKLING WATER.
SHE MET A YOUNGISH BRAVE,
DID SHE DARE MISBEHAVE?
FORGOT EVERYTHING THAT HER MOTHER TAUGHT HER!!!
THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED WANDA,
OF HER BOYFRIEND COULD NOT HAVE BEEN FONDER!
THE TROUBLE, SHE FOUND
HE WASN'T ALWAYS AROUND,
HE WAS HERE, HE WAS THERE, SOMETIMES YONDER!!!
A LADY FROM CANADA, CALIFORNIA,
SAID "I'LL STAY HERE BECAUSE I WAS BORNIA."
"I'LL FIND ME THE RIGHT GUY,
WE'LL STAY HERE TIL WE DIE,
WE'LL HAVE KIDS, WE'LL PLANT SEEDS AND RAISE CORNIA"
Canada= Canyada!
I ONCE HAD A GIRL FRIEND NAMED ROSIE
WHEN WE SNUGGLED UP IT WAS VERY COSY.
WHEN SHE ASKED ABOUT MONEY
THIS WAS NOT VERY FUNNY,
IN FACT I THOUGHT IT WAS FAR TOO NOSEY!!
I HAD A YOUNG SCHOOL FRIEND CALLED JASON,
ON A DATE HIS FRIEND PUT HER FACE ON.
TO TAKE OFF POWDERS AND PAINT
BEFORE SHE COLLAPSED IN A FAINT,
HER DAD WAS USEFUL AS HE IS A MASON!!
MY FIANCÉE WAS SMALL AND SO SWEET,
WE WOULD GO TO THE PARK, FIND A SEAT.
PASSING MALES WERE QUITE JEALOUS
THEIR LOOKS WOULD ALL TELL US
'COS SHE WAS BEAUTIFULLY FORMED AND PETITE!
A COUPLE OF GIRLS, DOT AND CARRIE,
RACE TO SEE WHO WOULD BE FIRST TO MARRY.
THEY BOTH HAD A STEADY,
I'M AFRAID THEY WEREN'T READY,
THEIR PARENTS TOLD THEM HOW TO TARRY.
A MIDDLE AGED LADY, STILL A VIRGIN
TO FIND THE RIGHT MAN NEEDED URGING.
IT WAS FULL SPEED AHEAD
FOR THE DAY TO GET WED,
SHE THOUGHT HER MUM WAS THAUMATURGING!! *
* Performing miricles!
SHE MET A YOUNG BACHELOR NAMED JUDE
SAID THAT SHE HAD A NEED TO BE WOOED.
WHAT HE SAID IN REPLY
BROUGHT TEARS TO HER EYE
AND HER ANSWER WAS CONSIDERED QUITE RUDE!!
A YOUNG LADY FELT RATHER FRANTIC
HER DOCTOR'S MOVED OVER THE ATLANTIC.
HE BROKE THEIR APPOINTMENT
WHICH WAS A DISAPPOINTMENT,
'COS THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS PURELY ROMANTIC!!
THERE WAS A DIVORCEE NAMED IMOGENE
WHO MET HER "EX" AND CREATED A SCENE.
SHE PICKED UP HIS CHAMPAGNE
WHICH STARTED A CAMPAIGN,
SHE WAS HUSTLED INTO HER LIMOUSINE!!
MY FIANCEE'S A NICE GIRL, REALLY WINSOME,
BUT WHEN HAPPY SHE CAN REALLY "GRIN SOME"
NOW THE WEDDING'S ANNOUNCED,
SHE WALKS AROUND WITH A BOUNCE,
SHE DECIDED TO CUT DOWN ON HER "SIN SOME"!!
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