Sports, Hobbies


A GOOD TENNIS SERVE IS AN ACE,
AS IT LANDS IN THE COURT AT A PACE.
BACKHAND OR FOREHAND
IT MAY NEED SOME MORE HAND
SO YOUR SHOT WILL NOT END IN DISGRACE!!

IF YOU'RE UP AT THE BREAKING OF DAWN
AND ALL NOTIONS OF SLEEP HAVE JUST GAWN!
GO OUT FOR A SHORT JOG
IN RAIN, SUNSHINE OR FOG,
YOU WILL SOON REGRET THAT YOU WERE BAWN!!

A FAMOUS FOOTBALL PLAYER NAMED JED
PLAYED HIS LAST GAME WHEN HE INJURED HIS HED!
AFTER YEARS AT A COLLEGE
HE HAD A B.A. FOR KNOWLEDGE,
"THE BEST PASS I'VE MADE's'' WHAT HE SED!!

A BOOKLOVER WENT INTO A STORE
TO READ EVERY BOOK THAT HE SAW,
ON KOREA AND VIETNAM,
IRAQ, KUWAIT AND IRAN,
'COS HE SAID "I'M A STUDENT OF WAR"!

A SMALL JOCKEY, ABOUT FOUR FOOT SIX
KNEW ALL ABOUT HORSE RACING TRICKS!
"WAS YOUR HORSE EVER DRUGGED"
HIS SHOULDERS HE SHRUGGED,
"I'VE ONLY ONCE DONE IT==FOR KICKS"!

OUT FOR LUNCH
MOHAMMED ALI WHO CARRIED A PUNCH
COULD SPAR FROM HIS BREAKFAST TO LUNCH.
A REAL HEAVY BLOW
COULD PRODUCE A K.O.
THAT PUNCH BEFORE LUNCH WAS THE C R U N C H

GLIDING IS TO FLY LIKE A BIRD,
IT SOUNDS CRAZY? THINK. IT'S NOT ABSURD.
YOU ARE SAILING QUITE HIGH
'TWEEN THE EARTH AND THE SKY
WHERE ONLY THE SOUNDS OF NATURE ARE HEARD.

HE SWAM FIFTEEN LENGTHS OF THE POOL,
AS HE CLIMBED OUT, HE FELT SUCH A FOOL.
HE LOOKED DOWN, GRABBED A TOWEL
SWORE IN LANGUAGE MOST FOUL,
AS HE'D LOST BOTH HIS TRUNKS AND HIS COOL!!

A PRETTY YOUNG ARCHER NAMED JANE
WAS CONSIDERED BY ALL TO BE PLAIN.
HER BOWSTRING SHE'D PULL
BUT INSTEAD OF A BULL
HIT A COW WHO LOWED LOUDLY IN PAIN.

THE TOREADOR STOOOD OUT IN THE RING,
FOR THE LAST TIME HE FELT LIKE A KING.
WITH HIS SWORD OUT BEFORE HIM
THE BULL HE DARED GORE HIM.
IT DID. AND HE GOT HIS LAST FLING

AN AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR CALLED SUE
TOLD HER LARGE LADIES CLASS WHAT TO DO.
"ARMS UP HIGH IN THE AIR
LEGS STRETCHED OUT HERE AND THERE".
THE LARGE CROWD SOON BECAME VERY FEW!!

A FOOTBALL REFEREE NAMED SID SHARD
WAS FAIR, BUT HIS DECISIONS WERE HARD.
WHEN HE GOT TO HIS HOUSE
THERE WAS NO SIGN OF HIS SPOUSE,
HE GAVE HIS MISSING WIFE A RED CARD!!

SHE FANCIED HERSELF AS A SKIER,
HER ACTIONS COULD NOT HAVE BEEN FREER.
A BAD FALL IN A GROOVE
LEFT HER UNABLE TO MOVE,
HER TEACHER SAID "DON'T DO THAT THERE 'ERE!"

THE OLD PEOPLE SAT DOWN FOR THE GAME,
BINGO! LOTTO! WHAT'S IN A NAME.
FROM "LEGS NUMBER ELEVEN"
TO "HEINZ FIFTY SEVEN"
DO YOU PLAY IT? YOU DON'T! WHAT A SHAME!!

A SCOTSMAN WHEN "TOSSING THE CABER"
WAS TOLD THAT HIS WIFE WAS IN LABOUR!
HE GOT RID OF THE LOG
WHICH STRUCK A POOR DOG
AND 22 LAMBS OF HIS NEIGHBOUR!!

THE KEEN GOLFER GREW VERY IRATE
AS HE STEADIED TO DRIVE AT HOLE EIGHT.
THE YOUNG PLAYERS BEFORE HIM
APPEARED TO IGNORE HIM
AS HE HOLLERED "HOW LONG MUST I WAIT"?

HER FRIEND'S SLOOP CAME IN SLOWLY TO ANCHOR,
SHE STAYED IN HER BUNK FULLL OF RANCOUR.
SHE RECEIVED QUITE A SHOCK
WHEN SHE HEARDTHE MATE, JOCK,
YELL "HAUL DOWN THE MAIN SHEET AND SPANKER!!

THE MILLIONAIRE'S YACHT RODE AT ANCHOR,
NEXT TO A VERY LARGE TANKER,
WHEN IT DISCHARGED SOME CRUDE OIL
THE YACHT IT DID SPOIL,AND
DOUBLE-QUICK HE CONTACTED HIS BANKER!!

THE RACE COMMENTATOR FOR THE 'ROYAL OAK'
HAD A STYLE THAT BROUGHT IN THE ODD JOKE.
'THE OUTSIDER'S 'THE GRUNTER'
BUT THERE ISN'T A PUNTER
WHO'LL PLACE A BET ON THAT PIG IN THE POKE"!!

THE VILLAGE GREEN, THE WEATHER HOLDS FAIR,
THE LAST MAN'S IN AT THE CREASE. PATS HIS HAIR.
THE FAST BOWLER RAN LONG,
THE STROKE WENT ALL WRONG,
OUT FIRST BALL,SECOND TIME, FOR 'A PAIR"

THE OLDTIMERS LINE UP FOR THE RUN,
A 20 MILE FUNDRAISER, FOR FUN.
THEY'RE ALL ON THEIR TOES,
THE HIGH TENSION SHOWS
AS 10 COLLAPSE AT THE SOUND OF THE GUN!!

TOUR DE FRANCE CYCLISTS WENT THROUGH LA GRAND VILLE,
NOSE TO NOSE, KNEE TO KNEE AND WHEEL TO WHEEL.
AT THE END OF THE DAY
THE COMPETITORS SAY
"MY POSTERIOR WE'RE NOT ABLE TO FEEL"!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG PRANKSTER FROM STOKE
WHOSE HOBBY WAS THE PRACTICAL JOKE.
AS A RESULT OF HER PRANKS
SHE NEVER HAD THANKS,
BUT MANY A FRIENDSHIP SHE BROKE!!

HIS HOBBY-A LARGE HOT AIR BALLOON
HIS AMBITION-TO RISE TO THE MOON!
BUT A MISHAP IN THE FLIGHT
THE FABRIC GREW TOO TIGHT
AND IT BURST.HIS LIFE ENDED TOO SOON!!!

CONSIDERED CHAMP BY THOSE IN THE KNOW
WAS A SEVEN THREE PLAYER NAMED JOE.
WHEN HE COULDN'T JUMP HIGHER
IT WAS TIME TO RETIRE
TO TEACH SOME YOUNG PLAYERS TO THROW.

A YOUNG ATHLETE WHO RAN VERY FAST
YELLED OBSCENITIES AT THOSE THAT HE PASSED,
HE FAILED A DOPE TEST,
HE'S SIDE-LINED FOR A REST,
HIS EGO NOW FLIES AT HALF-MAST!!

I HAD A ROBOT I TOOK ON A CRUISE,
DRESSED IN A SWEATER, DARK GLASSES AND TREWS.
WHEN SHE FELL IN THE POOL
I FELT SUCH A BIG FOOL
AS SHE SHORT CIRCUITED AND BLEW A MAIN FUSE!!!

TWO WRESTLERS, GRUNTIN' AND GROANING A LOT
FOUND THEMSELVES IN A REAL AWKWARD SPOT.
WITH MUSCLES ALL FLEXED
THEY WEREFEELING QUITE VEXED
'COS THEY WERE TIED IN A VERY TIGHT KNOT!!

THE LADS LIKED THEIR DAY AT THE RACES,
WHERE THEY SAW THE MOUNTS GO THROUGH THEIR PACES.
BUT TO THEIR DEEP SHAME
WITHOUT A CENT TO THEIR NAME
THEY GOT HOME JUST WITH TROUSERS AND BRACES!!

A GOLFER WHEN TOTALLING HIS SCORE
WAS HIT HARD, WITH A BALL, ON THE JAW.
HE SAID HE WOULD SUE
FOR A THOUSAND, EVEN TWO,
SAID "ACCEPTED" WHEN HE HEARD A SHOUT "FORE"!!

A SNOOKER PLAYER MISHANDLED HIS CUE,
SAID HE FELT HE WAS NOW IN A STEW!!
HE HAD RIPPED THROUGH THE BEIGE,
THE OWNER WAS IN A RAGE,
THE PLAYER PUT ON HIS COAT, AND HE FLEW!!

A CHINESE GENT TOOK UP PLAYING CROQUET,
WHEN ASKED FOR HIS NAME SAID "HOQUET POQUET"
WHEN INVITED TO THE HALL
EVEN TOOK HIS OWN BALL
FOR THE HOSTESS HE TOOK A LARGE BOUQUET!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GOLFER FROM LINCS
WHOSE CADDY WAS A BIT OF A MINX!
HE HIT A HOLE IN ONE,
AND SAID "THIS IS FUN"
"I THOUGHT SHE'D BE A BIT OF A JINX"!!

A RADIO HAM LIVING IN BRENT
IN TIME HIS OUTDOOR EQUIPMENT ALL BENT.
IF THERE WAS A STRONG BREEZE
HE'D UPSET LOCAL BEES,
AS HIS SIGNALS RETURNED BEFORE THEY WERE SENT!!

A YOUNG SKI INSTRUCTOR NAMED AMOS
IN THE PASSAGE OF TIME BECAME FAMOUS.
ON THE STEEP MOUNTAIN SLOPES
HE RAISED HIS PUPILS' HOPES
HIS FAVOURITE-AN IRISHMAN NAMED SEAMUS!!

THERE WAS AN OLD SAILOR CALLED MORT
WHO HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN EVERY LARGE PORT!
WIVES---HE HAD SEVEN,
CHILDREN NUMBERED ELEVEN,
HE NO LONGER CALLED THIS A LIVE SPORT!!

ED THE ELEPHANT REJOINED THE HERD,
HE SAID THAT HE FELT LIKE A NERD.
HE SAID HE FELT TAINTED
HE'D BEEN SHOT AT---AND PAINTED,
TO HIS FRIENDS HE MUST LOOK QUITE ABSURD.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADDY FROM GOOLE,
WHO WAS NOT VERY GOOD WITH A TOOL.
BUT WITH A SNOOKER CUE
AND AN ODD BEER OR TWO,
HE'D TAKE ON THE WORLD AT SNOOKER OR POOL!

THE CHAMPION CLIMBED INTO THE RING,
HIS SUPPORTERS ALL STARTED TO SING.
A FLURRY OF BLOWS,
THERE WAS ONE BROKEN NOSE,
THE KING IS DEAD!! LONG LIVE THE NEW KING!!

HE WAS AN INTREPID STARGAZER,
HE FOUND WHAT HE SEES WITH A LASER.
AS HE SPENDS DAYS AND NIGHTS
WATCHING HEAV'NLY SIGHTS,
HE HOPES HE WILL BE A TRAIL-BLAZER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GYMNAST NAMED HOPE
WHO SPENT LOTS OF TIME UP A ROPE!
ON BARS, FLOOR, OR VAULT
SHE HAD NEVER A FAULT,
IN COMPETITION SHE HAD PLENTY OF SCOPE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GLAZIER NAMED CASS,
WHO LOVED MAKING FIGURES FROM GLASS!
A SLIGHT SLIP OF THE CHISEL
WOULD CAUSE CASS TO WHISTLE,
IT COULD MAKE A LAD INTO A LASS!!

MY SON BOB WAS A PRO. GOLFER'S CADDIE,
IT CURED HIM OF BEING A BADDY.
IT KEPT HIM REALLY FIT,
BUT THE BEST PART OF IT,
WHEN HE WON HE WAS BOB'S "SUGAR DADDY"!

THERE'S A GAME IN A LOT OF BRAVE HEARTS,
IT'S THE OLD ENGLISH PUB GAME OF DARTS.
WITH A LOT OF BEER SWALLOWING
IT HAS A LARGE TV FOLLOWING,
PLAYERS THINK IT AS ONE OF THE ARTS!!

MANY TEAMS WHO PLAY HOCKEY ON ICE,
USE TACTICS THAT ARE NOT VERY NICE.
THEY DON'T GO FOR THE PUCK,
(IF THEY HIT IT THAT'S LUCK)
IT'S A GAME THAT SORTS MEN FROM THE MICE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG ATHLETE CALLED CLAYTON,
WHO FOUND HE COULD'T STOP PUTTING WEIGHT ON.
HIS TOP SPEED ON THE TRACK
M.P.H. IT DID LACK,
HIS FUTURE HE'LL NOW SPECULATE ON!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG SWIMMER CALLED IVOR,
WHO WANTED TO BE A HIGH DIVER.
HE DIVED WITH A TWIST
THE DEEP WATER HE MISSED,
HE WAS LUCKY TO BE A SURVIVOR!!

A NORWEGIAN FOOTBALLER CALLED LARS
HAD A PASSION FOR CUBAN CIGARS.
THREE OR FOUR EVERY DAY,
AFFECTS HIS STYLISH PLAY,
HE SAID THEY'RE BETTER THAN WOMEN OR BARS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG WELSH GIRL NAME WANDA,
WHO CAME FROM THE VALLEY, FROM RHONDDA.
AT SCHOOL SHE'S NOT BRIGHT
BUT ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT
AT HANG GLIDING SHE'LL SOAR LIKE A CONDOR!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED JEMIMA,
WHO FANCIED HERSELF AS A CLIMBER.
TAKE HER UP TO THE ROCKS,
SHE WILL BOUND LIKE A FOX,
SHE'LL GO UP THE FACE LIKE AN OLD-TIMER!!

HE'LL GO ROUND THE COURSE ON HIS GOLF-CAR,
HITTING EAGLES, BIRDIE AND PAR.
HE MAY BE AN OLD FOGEY BUT HE HITS NOT A BOGEY,
AND HE'S REALLY WELL KNOWN IN THE BAR!!

I ONCE HAD AN OLD UNCLE NAMED BUD,
WHO LOVED CRAWLING AROUND IN THE MUD.
WHEN ARMED WITH A GUN,
NOT EVEN HIS LARGE SON
WOULD RISK GETTING COVERED IN BLOOD!!

A YOUNG LOCAL FOOTBALLER NAMED RICK
WAS KNOWN FOR THE STRENGTH OF HIS KICK.
WHEN THE BALL'S ON THE SPOT,
HE TAKES A SHORT TROT,
THE GOALIE FEELS HE'S BEEN HIT BY A BRICK!!

TODAY SOME FOOTBALLERS ARE VERY ROUGH,
BUT THEY'LL MEET A REF. WHO IS TOUGH.
IF THEY TACKLE TOO HARD
THEY'LL BE SHOWN THE RED CARD,
WITH THE COMMENT "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!

HORSE JUMPING-A CONTEST WITH THRILLS,
QUITE OFTEN THERE ARE FALLS AND SOME SPILLS.
A HORSE COMES TO A FENCE,
THE RIDER FEELS TOO TENSE,
TO GET OVER IT, IT TAKES ALL HIS SKILLS.!!

THERE WAS A SIX-FOOTER NAMED EARL,
WHO WAS A WIZ. AT THE PLAIN AND THE PURL.
HE COULD MAKE NEEDLES FLY,
WHICH WAS STRANGE FOR A GUY,
BUT HIS WIFE IS A HOME LOVING GIRL!!

THERE WASA FOOTBALLER NAMED PAUL,
A REAL WIZARD WHEN HE HAD THE BALL.
PASS, DRIBBLE OR SHOOT,
WITH HIS LEFT OR RIGHT BOOT,
'TWAS THIS PRIDE THAT WOULD LEAD TO HIS FALL!!

SHE SPED ROUND THE RINK AT A PACE,
FULL OF HOPE, FULL OF POISE, FULL OF GRACE.
A DOUBLE TRIPLE WAS TRIED,
AND HER HOPES ALL BUT DIED,
JUDGES SAW HER SLIDE PAST ON HER FACE!!

SHE SKIED BEAUTIFULLY DOWN THE STEEP SLOPE,
FOR A MEDAL THIS WAS HER LAST HOPE.
SHE REACHED THE FINAL GATE,
AND THEN IN STEPPED FATE,
AT THE INQUEST THEY BLAMED IT ON DOPE!!

THERE WAS AN OLD LADY NAMED FRAN,
WHOSE HOBBY WAS CATCHING A MAN.
WITH HER TRICKS AND HER WILES,
SPARKLING EYES AND HER SMILES,
SHE KEEPS AT IT ALTHOUGH SHE'S A GRAN!!

AT TENNIS SHE WENT THROUGH A BAD PATCH,
HER DOCTOR TOLD HER THAT SHE'D SOON HATCH!
HER GAME NOT BEING GREAT,
PLUS ALL THAT EXTRA WEIGHT,
ADVISED HER IT WAS GAME, LAYETTE AND SCRATCH!!

HORSE RACING WAS THE SPORT HE LOVED MOST,
AS A TIPSTER HE OFT LIKED TO BOAST.
HE'D BE GETTING MUCH THINNER
IF HE RELIED ON HIS DINNER,
HIS CHOICE WAS RARELY FIRST PAST THE POST!!

WHEN THE JEWISH BOYS TOOK TO THE ICE,
THEIR MOTHERS SAID IT WAS NOT NICE.
TO MAKE A FAST BUCK,
CHASING AFTER THE PUCK,
THEY'D MAKE MORE IF THEY GAMBLED WITH DICE!!

A FOOTBALL TEAM HAD A GOOD GOALIE,
HIS WEAKNESS WAS PLAIN RAVIOLI.
HIS WAISTLINE EXPANDED,
HE BECAME HEAVY-HANDED,
AND BEHAVED LIKE A SLOW ROLY-POLY.!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL, AN ICE-SKATER,
WHO FELL FOR A HANDSOME SPECTATOR.
A NASTY FALL ON HER REAR
TO HER EYES BROUGHT A TEAR,
AT THE DAMAGE BELOW HER EQUATOR!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN NAMED MONTEITH,
WHO JOGGED EVERY DAY ON THE HEATH.
HE WAS MUGGED, AND WHAT'S MORE
HE WAS SLUGGED ON THE JAW,
AT 18 HE NOW HAS REAL FALSE TEETH!!

A YOUNG SNOOKER PLAYER NAMED RHYS JONES,
CLEARED THE TABLE. HIS CUE'S MADE OF BONES.
HE POTS REDS, BLACK AND PINK,
HE DOES NOT EVEN THINK,
HIS OPPONENTS CANNOT HIDE THEIR GROANS!!

ON THE TABLE HE'S AN EXPERT AT POOL,
HIS DAD TAUGHT HIM. HE WAS NO FOOL.
HE WON PRIZE AFTER PRIZE,
THE PLAYERS EULOGISE,
"WE DON'T KNOW HOW HE'S ALWAYS SO COOL"!!

AT POKER SHE WAS OFT AT HER BEST,
WHEN SHE HOLDS THE CARDS CLOSE TO HER CHEST.
SHE WAS SO WELL ENDOWED
THE OTHER PLAYERS WERE COWED,
BY HER HANDS VERY CLOSE TO THE CREST!!

AT TABLE TENNIS, ALSO KNOWN AS PING PONG,
SHE WAS GOOD AND COULDN'T DO WRONG.
FOREHAND, SLICE AND SPIN,
SHE'D GET THEM ALL IN,
I WISH SHE HAD STAYED IN HONG KONG!!

MY FRIEND IS AN EXPERT AT POKER,
WITH CARDS IN HIS HAND HE'S NO JOKER.
IF HIS RUN ISN'T GOOD,
AND HE WANTS TO EAT FOOD,
HE'LL LEAVE SOMETHING WITH HIS PAWNBROKER!!

THE NEW FISHERMAN SAT ON THE BANK,
BY HIS SIDE WAS A WATERFILLED TANK.
WHAT HE TOOK FROM THE LAKE
A FISH PIE WOULD NOT MAKE,
HIS HOPES AT THIS NEW HOBBY SANK!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG PLAYBOY NAMED BRETT,
A SUCKER FOR PLACING A BET.
HE FOLLOWED THE HORSES,
SPENT HIS DAY ON GOLF COURSES,
BUT HE'S THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN DEBT!!

THE LARGEST HOT AIR BALLOON IS A WOW,
IT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND LOOKS LIKE A COW,
A MISTAKE BY THE TRADE
AS IT WAS BEING MADE,
IT'S THREE TIMES ITS PLANNED SIZE.---WHAT COMES NOW?

THERE WAS A YOUNG COWGIRL,BILLY SUE,
WHO KNEW HOW TO RIDE THROUGH AND THROUGH.
SHE WAS KNOWN AS THE QUEEN,
ON THE RODEO SCENE,
BUT TOBACCO SHE NEVER WOULD CHEW!

HE WAS ALWAYS THE BEAU AT THE POOL,
HE THOUGHT WITH THE GIRLS HE COULD FOOL.
HE FOUND THAT SOME OF THE GALS,
HAD WELL BUILT MALE PALS,
HE FELT HE'D BEEN KICKED BY A MULE!!

A COUNTRY BALL PLAYER NAMED LORNE
WAS AWKWARD FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN.
HE WAS GIVEN A TRIAL,
BUT WITH HIS FLATFOOTED STYLE,
HE WAS TOLD TO GO BACK AND GROW CORN!!

A RICH SPORTSMAN HAD A WONDERFUL GUN,
HE LOVED TO SHOOT BEASTS ON THE RUN.
AT AN EXTRAVAGENT COST
HE HAD THE BARRELS EMBOSSED,
TO HIM HUNTING AND SHOOTING WERE FUN.!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GAMBLER FROM ROKER
WHO SPENT ALL HIS HOURS PLAYING POKER.
ACE, KING, QUEEN, JACK AND TEN
CAME AGAIN AND AGAIN,
HIS SMIRK GAVE HIM THE NAME OF "THE JOKER"

A BOY TOOK A SIP FROM A BEAKER,
IT GAVE HIM AN URGE AS A STREAKER.
AT A LOCAL BALL GAME
WHICH I'D BETTER NOT NAME,
THE GIRLS IN THE CROWD YELLED "EUREKA".

A NON-WEALTHY GOLFER NAMED MASSEY,
USED ONLY A PUTTER AND BRASSEY.
ON FAIRWAYS OR THE ROUGH
EVEN IF WITHOUT PUFF,
HE HIMSELF HAD A VERY SLIGHT CHASSIS!

THERE WAS A TEENAGER NICKNAMED MAZ
WHO HAD A PENPAL IN ALCATRAZ.
HE'D BEEN IN MANY YEARS,
HE BROUGHT INMATES TO TEARS
GIVING CONCERTS OF CLASSICAL JAZZ!

THERE WAS A YOUNG ATHLETE NAMED ZAK,
WHO SLEPT NIGHTLY IN A FLOUR SACK.
HE WOKE UP EVERY HOUR
WITH HIS FEET IN SOME FLOUR,
AND A PATTERN EMBOSSED ON HIS BACK!

TWO GOLDFISH SWIMMING IN A BOWL,
SEEMINGLY THEY SEEM OUT OF CONTROL
ONE MORN THEY LAY STILL,
THE OWNER THOUGHT THEY WERE ILL,
THEY HAD STARVED WHEN HE'D SPENT HIS DOLE*
* Unemployment payment.

WRITING LIMERICKS IS GETTING HARD,
AS YOU SEE I'M NO SHAKESPEARIAN BARD.
RHYMES ARE HARD TO ATTAIN
I HAVE NOTHING TO GAIN
VERY OFTEN I'M CAUGHT OFF MY GUARD

AN AVERAGE SNOOKER PLAYER NAMED WATTS,
WHEN PLAYING TIED HIMSELF UP IN KNOTS.
IF HE MISSED BY A MILE,
THERE WAS NEVER A SMILE,
HE WOULD GO FOR A DRINK AT NIGHT-SPOTS!!

THERE WAS A SKATEBOARDER NAMED JESSE
HE WAS KNOWN AS A MAN WHO WAS DRESSY.
A SHOWOFF, HE FELL ON HIS HEAD,
WHICH CONFINED HIM TO BED,
THE SITE OF THE FALL WAS SO MESSY!!

PHILLIPPA PREFERRED THE NAMED PHIL,
ESPECIALLY FROM HER COLLEAGUE NAMED WILL,
SHE'S AS LIGHT AS A FEATHER
WHEN THEY'RE DANCING TOGETHER,
THE POOR GIRL DOESN'T EVER STAY STILL.

A YOUNG STUDENT FLIER NAMED JANE,
WAS A PASSENGER IN A TWO SEATER PLANE.
TO KEEP WARM SHE DRANK SOUP,
THE PLANE DID "LOOP THE LOOP"
THE SOUP SPILLED LEAVING A NASTY STAIN!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG POET NAMED KITTY
WHO ONE DAY WAS FEELING QUITE WITTY.
FOND OF CERF AND OF LEAR
SHE SCRIBBLED WORD OF CHEER,
WHICH WEREN'T VERY GOOD. WHAT A PITY!!

THERE WAS A CARD PLAYER FROM ROKER (U.K.)
CONSIDERED AN EXPERT AT POKER.
WHEN HE HELD THE ACES
HE MADE FUNNY FACES,
HE THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AS A JOKER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG SPORTSMAN NAMED NICK
HIS LIFE BECAME VERY CHAOTIC.
HE CHANGED HIS MAIN SPORT
TOOK PILLS HE DIDN'T OUGHT,
HE STARTED DOSING ON A NARCOTIC

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