Law, Military, Space


WHEN THE MISSILES FELL DOWN FROM THE SKY
WE ALL PRAYED TO THE LORD UP ON HIGH.
WE WENT INTO OUR ROOM
CALLED A "CHEDER ATOOM"
TO LISTEN TO OUR NACHMAN SHAI.*
*He was the spokesman for Israel defence Forces Who advised, and
calmed, the population of what was happening via radio and TV.

THIRTY THOU EPW's FROM IRAQ
TOLD THE ALLIES THEY WEREN'T GOING BACK.
WE WILL STAY HERE WITH YOU
AND START FORMING A QUEUE
TO GET ALL THE THINGS THAT WE LACK!!

WHEN SCUD MISSILES TO ISRAEL WERE SHOT
THE ANSWER WAS "THE PATRIOT"*
THERE WERE THIRTY NINE HITS,
QUITE A FEW IN "WEE BITS"
WITH FEW CASUALTIES, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!
* Anti missile missile

WHILE SEATED ALONE IN MY ROOM
I WAS DISTURBED BY A LOUD SONIC BOOM.
GETTING UP FROM MY SEAT
AND RUNNING OUT TO THE STREET,
I SAW A FAST FLYING WITCH ON A BROOM!!

FOUR OR FIVE NEW YORK COPS DRESSED IN MACS*
WERE ARRESTED FOR MAKING ATTACKS.
WHEN ACCUSED IN A COURT
THEY MADE THE RETORT
"We thought it O.K. THEY WERE BLACKS!!"
* Raincoats


A METER MAID ON DUTY IN BARKING
WAS A TERROR TO MOTORISTS WHEN PARKING.
WHEN PARKED AT A METER
THEY OFTEN WOULD GREET HER
"I'M ALREADY TOO LATE! YOU'RE JUST LARKING*
*Joking

A U.F.O. FLYING OVER THE BASE
WAS SHOT AT AS IT CAME DOWN FROM SPACE.
THE R.A.F. PLAYED A
TAPE OF THE INVADER
WHICH SAID "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE"!!

IN THEIR EYES THEY BEGIN TO FEEEL TEARS,
THEY SMELT GAS! IN THEIR MINDS THEY HAD FEARS.
WITH A BLAST AND A WHOOF
THEY WENT OUT VIA THE ROOF,
THEIR FIRST TIME OUT TOGETHER IN YEARS!!

WHEN AERPLANES WERE FIRST SEEN IN THE SKY
THEY COULD NOT FLY VERY FAR OR VERY HIGH.
IF THE WRIGHT'S EYES COULD PERCEIVE
THEY TOO WOULD NOT BELIEVE
WHAT EVOLVED 'TWOULD BRING A TEAR TO THE EYE"

THE GULF WAR WAS A TRIUMPH FOR NORMAN,
STORMIN' NORMAN WHO LED THE ALLIED WARMEN.
IN THE WILD WEST DAYS OF YORE
HE WOULD HAVE , I AM SURE
BEEN THE MARSHALL, THE SHERIFF OR LAWMAN!

A YOUNG TERRORIST FROM BELFAST
WAS KILLED, BY CROSSED WIRES, IN A SHELLBLAST.
AS A DIRE CONSEQUENCE
HE'S NOW IN THE PAST TENSE
AS HE MET WITH HIS FRIENDS IN HELLFAST!!

WHEN THE SHUTTLE IS LAUNCHED INTO SPACE
TO FLY AT A HELLOFA PACE.
THE CREW SLEEP, WORK AND TALK,
EVEN GO FOR A WALK,
BEFORE IT RETURNS SAFELY TO BASE!!

IN MILWAUKEE A CERTAIN JEFF DAHMER
THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AS AN EMBALMER!
HE CUT UP 17 MALES,
STORED THEM IN SOME PAILS,
WHEN ARRESTED HE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN CALMER!!

DINAH'S TRAINED HOW TO USE DYNAMITE,
QUITE OFTEN SHE LOOKS QUITE A SIGHT.
IN A HELMET OF STEEL
SHE STILL HAS SEX APPEAL
IF YOU WANT A GOOD TIME,DINAH MIGHT!!

A PROFESSOR WITH HIGH MENTAL STRIFE
DECIDED TO MURDER HIS WIFE.
A BOMB SENT THROUGH THE MAIL
HER LONG LIFE DID CURTAIL,
HE WAS ARRESTED AND SENTENCED TO LIFE!!

I ONCE HAD A GREAT AUNT NAMED MAUD,
WHO LOST ALL HER FORTUNE BY FRAUD.
SHE ONCE HAD A LOT
BUT NOW SHE HAS NOT,
SHE LOST IT TO THE ONE SHE ADORED!!

THE WITCH LIVES IN HER COLD LONELY ROOM,
PRIDE OF PLACE IS FOR HER TRUSTY BROOM.
IT IS COMPUTERISED,
CUSTOM MADE FOR HER THIGHS,
AND HAS HEADLIGHTS TO LIGHT UP THE GLOOM.

A YOUTH WHO HAD MASTERED THE SWEARWORD
LEARNT BAD LANGUAGE WHILST HE WAS A JAILBIRD.
WHEN RELEASED TO HIS HOUSE
HIS PARENTS HAD NO GROUSE,
'TWAS SAID HE WAS OBSCENE BUT NOT HEARD!!

AN EARLY MACHINE GUN CALLED A GATLING,
WHEN FIRED IT WOULDN'T STOP RATTLING!
THE GUNNERS WERE SHAKING,
THIS WAS NOT DUE TO FAKING,
THE GUNNERS' HANDS SOON LOOKED LIKE CRACKLING!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN DRAWING THE DOLE,
TO HAVE SOME CASH ON HAND WAS HIS GOAL.
FINANCIALLY UNSTEADY
RATHER SHORT OF THE READY,
THE CASH THAT HE HAD IS WHAT HE STOLE!!

FROM THE TIME WE WERE THREATENED BY SCUDS,
THE BAKER'S LOST THE TASTE OF HIS TASTE BUDS!
WHEN HE TRIES TO MAKE
A PUDDING, EVEN A CAKE,
HE SAYS ALL HIS COOKING IS LIKE MUDS!!

TO PORTSMOUTH THERE RETURNED THE "ARK ROYAL"
FOR THE CREW TO SET FOOT ON BRITISH SOIL.
SOME LOOKED LIKE YOUNG CADETS,
THE OLD-TIMERS' PETS,
MUCH TOO YOUNG FOR THE SHIP'S ROUTINE TOIL.

A FIRST TIME ASTRONAUT HEADED FOR MARS
HE SAID "THIS IS MUCH BETTER THAN CARS"
"THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF GAS.
ASTEROIDS OFTEN PASS
WE'VE NO CHOICE IF WE WANT TO VISIT BARS".

A YOUNG SCIENCE STUDENT NAMED RUBE
MIXED SOME CHEMICALS IN A TEST TUBE.
THE RESULTING EXPLOSION
CAUSED QUITE A COMMOTION,
IN A BLAST LIKE A GIANT FLASH-CUBE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MINER NAMED SETH,
SAID THAT HE'D LOVE HIS WIFE TO HER DEATH!
HE TRIED POISONS AND DRUGS,
TO TRIP HER OVER WITH RUGS,
HE DIED FIRST FROM A SHORTAGE OF BREATH!!!

A NEW GRADUATE DETECTIVE NAMED WEST
WAS CONSIDERED TO BE ONE OF THE BEST.
HE IS GOOD WITH HIS GUN,
EVERY CONTEST HE WON,
IT'S HOPED HE'S NOT PUT TO A REAL TEST!!

A YOUNG ADULT STOPPED BY L.A.P.D.*
WAS ACCUSED OF BEING D.I.C.
HE WAS TESTED FOR DRINK,
RELEASED AS QUICK AS A BLINK.
HE WAS CARRYING A SMALL U.X.B.**
* L.A.P.D. Los Angeles Police Department
** U.X.B. Unexploded bomb

A YOUNG SCIENCE STUDENT NAMED RUBE
MIXED SOME CHEMICALS IN A TEST TUBE.
THE RESULTING EXPLOSION
CAUSED QUITE A COMMOTION,
IN A BLAST LIKE A GIANT FLASH-CUBE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MINER NAMED SETH,
SAID THAT HE'D LOVE HIS WIFE TO HER DEATH!
HE TRIED POISONS AND DRUGS,
TO TRIP HER OVER WITH RUGS,
HE DIED FIRST FROM A SHORTAGE OF BREATH!!!

A NEW GRADUATE DETECTIVE NAMED WEST
WAS CONSIDERED TO BE ONE OF THE BEST.
HE IS GOOD WITH HIS GUN,
EVERY CONTEST HE WON,
IT'S HOPED HE'S NOT PUT TO A REAL TEST!!

MY SIS WANTED TO FLY IN THE RAF.
THE RECRUITERS THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD LAUGH.
"THERE'S NO PLACE FOR YOU FLYING,
THERE ARE TOO MANY MEN DYING,
YOU MAY FIND A PLACE IN THE WAAF!

THERE WAS A YOUNG SCOUNDREL NAMED HILLARY,
WHO WAS SENTENCED TO TIME IN THE PILLORY.
AFTER HUMILIATION
RECEIVED LIBERATION,
AND HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE DISTILLERY!!

THERE WAS AN OLD SOLDIER NAMED FRANK,
KEPT HIS GUN IN THE HOUSE AS A PRANK.
WHEN THE POLICE CAME TO LOOK
THEY ALL TREMBLED AND SHOOK,
'TWAS NOT SMALL! 'TWAS A LARGE ANTI-TANK!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LAD I'LL CALL JOSH
IN HIS POCKET HE CARRIED A COSH!
IF HE WANTED SOME CASH
TO A BANK HE WOULD DASH,
IF HE GOT NONE, A FEW SKULLS HE WOULD SQUASH!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG WOMAN NAMED GLORY
ABOUT HER, I'LL TELL YOU A STORY!
ONE DAY IN A WILD RAGE
SHE KILLED HER MAN FOR HIS WAGE,
HOW SHE DID IT, I'M AFRAID, IS TOO GORY!!

THE GAMBLER WANTED A GAME OF ROULETTE,
IF HE LOST HE'D BE DEEPER IN DEBT.
THE LITTLE BALL WENT AROUND,
HIS HOPES FELL TO THE GROUND,
HE SHOT HIMSELF BEFORE THE NEXT BET!!

I ONCE LOVED A GIRL FROM THE STRAND,
WE'D WALK, AND I'D HOLD HER HAND.
MY YOUNG LOVE WAS TESTED
WHEN SHE WAS ARRESTED,
FOR SELLING CASSETTES THAT WERE BANNED!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED DALE
IN APPEARANCE SHE'S TERRIBLY FRAIL.
AN IMPRESSION DECEPTIVE,
IS IMPERCEPTIVE,
FOR ASSAULT SHE HAS SPENT TIME IN JAIL!!

JET PILOTS LEAD A VERY FAST LIFE,
IT'S DIFFICULT IF THEY HAVE A WIFE.
ATHENS, PARIS OR ROME,
THEY ARE RARELY AT HOME,
WHEN THEY ARE IT CAN LEAD TO STRIFE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG HOODLUM NAMED MYER,
WHO LOVED TO SET BUILDINGS ON FIRE.
AS THE FLAMES TOOK A GRIP,
HE'D STAND THERE, HAND ON HIP,
WAITING TO SEE FLAMES LEAPING HIGHER!!

A CRIMINAL WHO WORE MANY GUISES,
COULD TRANSPOSE INTO ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.
PUTTING POLICE TO THE TEST
LED TO HIS LATEST ARREST,
HE FINISHED UP AT THE LOCAL ASSIZES!!

A YOUNG SOLDIER, WHOM I'LL CALL LORNE,
REGRETTED THE DAY HE WAS BORN.
HE'D BEEN TO THE BARBER,
A GRUDGE HE DID HARBOUR,
HIS HAIR WAS NOT CUT, IT WAS SHORN!!

THERE WAS A SHOPLIFTER NAMED DICKY
WHO WHEN SHOPPING HIS FINGERS WERE STICKY.
HE WOULD CHOOSE WHAT TO TAKE,
ONLY GENUINE NOT FAKE,
HIS MENTOR TAUGHT HIM TO BE PICKY!!

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