Geography, Weather


THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF PINNER*
WHO COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ANY THINNER.
IF SHE SWALLOWED A PIP
YOU COULD FOLLOW ITS TRIP
FROM THE OUTSIDE, ALL THE WAY DOWN, IN 'ER!!
* A town in Middlesex, U.K.


A YOUNG MAN WHO CAME FROM AUSTRAL1A
(OUT THERE HE WAS CONSIDERED A FAILURE)!
TO WORK HE WOULD GO
AT THE LOCAL P.O.*
WHO TOLD HIM TO DELIVER THE MAIL 'ERE!
* Post Office

IN DUBLIN, THE YOUNG MICHAEL BYRNE
DECIDED HIS GIRL-FRIEND TO SPURN.
HIS PHIL-OS-OPHY
WAS "THERE'S MORE IN THE SEA"
NOW HE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN!!

AN OUL' FARMER FROM COUNTY KILDARE
HAD A COW THAT HE SHOWED AT THE FAIR.
TO QUENCH HIS BIG THIRST
WHEN THE BEAST GAINED A FIRST
TOOK FIVE GALLONS OF BEER FOR THE PAIR!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM WELSH WALES
WHO CONTRARY TO OLD WOMEN'S TALES
WAS NEVER A THIEF*
NEVER STOLE ANY BEEF
BUT FOR FRAUD HAD BEEN IN MANY JAILS!!
*From an old welsh rhyme"Taffy was a Welshman. Taffy was a thief."

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM CARLISLE,
WHOSE AMBITION WAS TO RUN A FAST MILE.
RAIN, HAIL OR IN SUN
SHE FELT SHE MUST RUN,
SHE FOUND HER MAN WHEN THEY RAN IN A TRIAL!!

A RATHER FAT LADY FROM HYDE
HAD LOOKED FORWARD TO BEING A BRIDE.
SHE STILL MANAGED A SMILE
AS SHE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE
WITH NO ROOM FOR HER GROOM AT HER SIDE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM LYME,
WHO COMPLAINED OF FATIGUE ALL THE TIME.
"YOUR MISTAKE, MISS, I THINK
IS YOUR DRUGS AND YOUR DRINK"
SAID HER DAD. "TO ERR IS SUBLIME"

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF SPAIN
WHO TRIED IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
WITH A BULL IN THE ARENA
ON TV THEY WOULD SCREEN 'ER
DOING WHAT? NEED I REALLY EXPLAIN!!

A "CRACKER" WHO LIVED IN BRAZIL,
FOUND THE NUTS THERE WERE MAKING HER ILL.
SHE FLEW OFF BY AEROPLANE
NE'ER TO GO BACK AGAIN,
"TELL THE DOCTOR TO SEND ON HIS BILL"!

AS THE WEATHER GREW HOTTER AND HOTTER,
MY CLOTHES ABSORBED SWEAT LIKE A BLOTTER.
AS THE TEMPERATURE ROSE
FROM MY HEAD TO MY TOES,
I WANTED TO LIE IN DEEP WOTTER! (water)

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM RYE
WHO WAS SPORTING A LOVELY BLACK EYE.
I ASKED "WAS IT A BOY?"
SHE JUST LOOKED VERY COY
AND SIMPERED AS SHE ANSWERED "DON'T PRY!!"

IN CORNWALL THERE'S A TOWN THAT'S CALLED LOOE*
THE RESIDENCE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AS THE PRESS, TO THEIR SHAME
OFTEN MAKE FUN OF THEIR NAME
IF IT DOESN'T STOP SHORTLY, THEY'LL SUE!!
*Looe is slang for lavatory!!

A YOUNG GIRL WHO LIVED IN SCARBORO ME(Maine)
LEFT THE TOWN ON AN EARLY FREIGHT TRE (train)
SHE WENT TO THE BIG CITY
DOLLED UP AND LOOKED PRETTY
HER NEW LIFE WAS SPENT IN THE FAST LE.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM BRUGES
WHOSE FIGURE WAS VULGAR AS WELL AS HUGE.
SHE FELT POWDER AND PAINT
WOULD MAKE HER LOOK QUAINT
SHE WAS TOO HEAVY HANDED WITH ROUGE.

SHE PUT ON A SWEATER, BRIGHT RED,
WHICH WAS TIGHT AS IT WENT OVER HER HEAD.
SHE WAS NOT VERY TALL,
SHE STOOD OUTSIDE THE MALL,
CHOKING ON WHAT SHE THOUGHT WAS BREAD.

WHEN SHE STOOD THERE SHE DIDN'T LOOK BETTER,
IN HER MOUTH SOMEONE POSTED A LETTER.
A VOICE SAID "YOU'VE MADE IT DAMP,
AND YOU'VE SWALLOWED THE STAMP,
YOU'D BETTER CHANGE YOUR GLARING RED SWEATER"

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM LUTON
WHO WALKED DOWN THE STREET WITH NO SUIT ON.
"I MAY BE ALMOST BARE
BUT FOLKS SHOULDN'T STARE
I'VE GOT A STRATEGICALLY PLACED BUNCH OF FRUIT ON!!

A KIBBUTZ VOLUNTEER NEAR ASHDOD
AT HIS CLASSES JUST STARTED TO NOD.
HE WAS NO SUN BASKER,
HE HAD COME FROM ALASKA,
HE WAS MORE USED TO A LINE AND A ROD!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM RHODES
WHO WAS BUILT TO WORK ON TRIODES.
IF YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE
YOU SWITCH ON AND YOU WAIT,
A SUDDEN MOVE AND THE GIRL OVERLOADS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM DIEPPE,
IN THE ARMY HE WAS NEVER IN STEP.
HE HAD NEVER BEEN BRIGHT,
KNEW NOT HIS LEFT FROM HIS RIGHT,
ONE FOOT, THEN THE OTHER, HE'D SCHLEPPE!!

A BUSTY YOUNG BARMAID FROM HERTS,
WAS THE PUB TEAM'S CHAMPION AT DARTS.
WHEN SHE STEADIES TO THROW
ONE CAN SEE MENS' EYES GLOW
AS THEY ALL WATCH THE GIRL'S UPPER PARTS!!

A PHILIPINO GIRL NAMED IMOGENA,
AN AU PAIR WHO WAS REALLY A CLEANER.
WAS GIVEN SOME FOOD
WHICH WAS NOT VERY GOOD,
THE RESULT, SHE GOT LEANER AND LEANER!!

A NAÏVE YOUNG GIRL STRAIGHT FROM BOMBAY,
TO A BOY NEVER KNEW WHAT TO SAY.
WHEN OUT WITH A BOY FRIEND
THAT WAS REALLY THE END
WHEN HER CHAPERONE SAID HE WAS GAY!!

WHEN THE RAINBOW APPEARED HIGH IN THE SKY,
THE NATIVES BOWED, AND GAVE A LOUD CRY.
THE CHIEF SAID WITH A MOAN
(HE'D HEARD THE NEWS ON THE PHONE)
"GO HOME! A DISASTER IS NIGH!!

A YOUNG MALAYAN FROM SINGAPORE
FOUND HIS LIFE WAS ONE VERY BIG BORE.
HE ARRIVED IN THE U.K.
WAS TOLD THAT HE COULD NOT STAY,
AND THE WAY BACK WAS SHUT TIGHT BY THE LAW!!

THERE WAS A SLIGHT MAN FROM BELIZE,
WHO'D TAKE OFF IN A REGULAR BREEZE.
HE'D JUST LOOK AROUND
AS HIS FEET LEFT THE GROUND,
HE'D NOT FLY TO HIGH OR HE WOULD FREEZE!!

I SPENT A WEEK-END IN BORDEAUX.
I WAS TOLD IT'S A NICE PLACE TO GEAUX.
I FELT IT WAS BORING,
MY ROOM MATE WAS SNORING,
ALTOGETHER IT WAS VERY SEAUX SEAUX!!

A WRITER OF POETRY WENT TO FRANCE
WHERE SHE MET A PUBLISHER CALLED HANS,
HE SAID HE LIKED WHAT HE SAW,
SAID HE'D LIKE TO SEE MORE,
SHE SAID "WHEN YOU PUT ON YOUR PANTS!!!"

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM BENGAL
WHOSE PARENTS HAD GONE BEYOND RECALL!!
SHE INHERITED THE THRONE,
LOTS OF PROPERTY SHE'D OWN,
FOR HER STRESS SHE'D USE PARACETAMOL!!

THERE WAS AN IRISH FAMILY CALLED CAREY,
WHO LIVED IN THE "BIG HOUSE" IN TIPPERARY.
THE BIG HOUSE ATTAINED FAME
NOT BECAUSE OF ITS NAME,
IT WAS A BREEDING SPOT OF THE IRISH CANARY!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM CAMPINAS
WHO TRAINED AS AN ASTRONAUT TO VENUS.
WHEN HE RETURNED AFTER YEARS
THERE WEREN'T WELCOMES AND CHEERS,
HE WASN'T HUMAN,HE'D BECOME A SUB-GENUS!!

AN ISRAELI LADY NAMED LIORA,
WAS KNOWN AS THE WORLD'S LOUDEST SNORER.
THE NIGHTLY SENSATION
SETS UP A VIBRATION,
THAT SOUNDED LIKE SODOM AND GOMORRHA!

A YOUNG SWISS LADY LIVING IN BERNE
AS A CHILD READ A LOT OF JULES VERNE.
MEN UP IN THE MOON
CAME TRUE ALL TOO SOON,
IN WHAT WAY DID HIS MIND TWIST & TURN!!

A YOUNG FRENCHMAN FROM LA GAY PAREE,
WAS ADVISED "LES FOLLIES" HE'S NOT TO SEE.
IT'S BIEN FOR LES ANGLAIS
WHO ARE NOT THERE TO STAY,
BUT FOR FRENCHMEN IT'S NOT "C'EST LA VIE"!!

THERE WAS AN IDEALIST NAMED KEVIN
WHO HAD HIS OWN IMPRESSION OF HEAVEN.
WHEN HE MET HIS SAD END,
HE WAS "CLEAN ROUND THE BEND"
HE NEVER GOT TO SEE HEAVENLY DEVON!!

THERE WAS A TEENAGER FROM MALTA,
THE ARMY CALLED HIM A DEFAULTER.
HE WENT awol AND WILD,
HIS GIRL'S HAVING A CHILD,
NOW THEY HAVE TO MAKE PLANS FOR THE ALTAR!!

A YOUNG DANISH LADY NAMED MONA
DISTRIBUTED HER FAVOURS FOR KRONER!
HER DAD TWIRLED HIS MOUSTACHE,
WHEN HE FOUND HER SOURCE OF CASH,
SHE'S NOW LOCKED IN HER ROOM. SHE'S A LONER!!

SHE WENT ON VACATION TO FRANCE,
WHEN THERE SHE DID NOTHING BUT DANCE.
HER TRIP WAS SUCCESSFUL,EVEN IF IT WAS STRESSFUL,
SHE CAME HOME IN AN AIR AMBULANCE!!!

I ONCE KNEW A YOUNG GIRL WHO WAS SWISS,
WHEN WITH HER I FELT IT WAS BLISS.
ONE DAY ON ICE JUST LIKE GLASS
AT HER I MADE A PASS,
I'M AFRAID IT WAS SLIP AND NO KISS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM KHARTOUM,
WHO KEPT ON FORETELLING HIS DOOM.
ONE DAY, TO HIS BEST FRIEND
HE SAID HE'D REACHED HIS END,
"I WAS RIGHT.I'M TO BE A BRIDEGROOM"!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM BANGKOK,
AT HIS WORK ALWAYS STARED AT THE CLOCK.
EVERY DAY, DEAD ON FOUR
HE'D RACE ALL FOR THE DOOR,
IF HE LOST THEY WOULD ALL DIE OF SHOCK!!!

A LARGE AUSSIE WITH THE NAME OF KELLY,
HAD WHAT WAS CALLED A "BEER BELLY".
IF YOU MADE THE MAN LAUGH
IT WAS LIKE A SEISMOGRAPH,
MOST OF HIS BODY SHOOK LIKE A JELLY!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM ODESSA,
WHO WORKED AS A BUSINESS ASSESSOR.
IF THEY'D LEARNT ALL THE BOOKS
THERE'D BE NO SECOND LOOKS,
SOME MANAGEMENTS THOUGHT HIM AN OPPRESSOR!!

THERE IS A FRENCH GARCON FROM METZ,
WHO SPENDS ALL HIS DAY PLACING LARGE BETS.
HE LOSES MORE THAN HE'S WON,
BUT THIS HOBBY IS FUN,
HE ENJOYS ALL THE PLEASURE HE GETS!!

A YOUNG SENORITA FROM PADUA,
TOLD HERBOYFRIEND "O WHAT A CADUA"
"MY MUM GAVE ME A WARNING
BUT IT TOOK ME TILL MORNING
TO REALIZE FOR MYSELF JUST HOW BADUA"!!

A YOUNG AFRIKANER FROM DURBAN
SPENT HIS TIME, WHEN AT HOME, SIPPING BOURBON.
HE WAS REALLY A FARMER,
HE WAS NO WAY A CHARMER,
HE WAS NOT USED TO LIVING SO URBAN!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM KHARTOUM,
WHO KEPT ON FORETELLING HIS DOOM.
ONE DAY, TO HIS BEST FRIEND
HE SAID HE'D REACHED HIS END,
"I WAS RIGHT.I'M TO BE A BRIDEGROOM"!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM BANGKOK,
AT HIS WORK ALWAYS STARED AT THE CLOCK.
EVERY DAY, DEAD ON FOUR
HE'D RACE ALL FOR THE DOOR,
IF HE LOST THEY WOULD ALL DIE OF SHOCK!!!

A LARGE AUSSIE WITH THE NAME OF KELLY,
HAD WHAT WAS CALLED A "BEER BELLY".
IF YOU MADE THE MAN LAUGH
IT WAS LIKE A SEISMOGRAPH,
MOST OF HIS BODY SHOOK LIKE A JELLY!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN FROM ODESSA,
WHO WORKED AS A BUSINESS ASSESSOR.
IF THEY'D LEARNT ALL THE BOOKS
THERE'D BE NO SECOND LOOKS,
SOME MANAGEMENTS THOUGHT HIM AN OPPRESSOR!!

THERE IS A FRENCH GARCON FROM METZ,
WHO SPENDS ALL HIS DAY PLACING LARGE BETS.
HE LOSES MORE THAN HE'S WON,
BUT THIS HOBBY IS FUN,
HE ENJOYS ALL THE PLEASURE HE GETS!!

A YOUNG SENORITA FROM PADUA,
TOLD HER BOYFRIEND "O WHAT A CADUA"
"MY MUM GAVE ME A WARNING
BUT IT TOOK ME TILL MORNING
TO REALIZE FOR MYSELF JUST HOW BADUA"!!

A YOUNG AFRIKANER FROM DURBAN
SPENT HIS TIME, WHEN AT HOME, SIPPING BOURBON.
HE WAS REALLY A FARMER,
HE WAS NO WAY A CHARMER,
HE WAS NOT USED TO LIVING SO URBAN!!

A YOUNG MALTESE GIRL FROM VALETTA,
WAS SO PERFECT SHE COULDN'T BE BETTER.
IN A CONTEST FOR EYES
MUCH TO HER SURPRISE,
FIRST PRIZE WENT TO A GIRL WITH A SWEATER.

A WELL KNOWN HORSE BREEDER FROM CHILE
TOLD HIS DAUGHTER SHE'S AWFULLY SILE.
"IF YOU BELONGED TO MY HERD
I WOULD NOT SAY A WORD"
"I'D TRAIN YOU LIKE I TRAIN A FILE"

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED JANE
WHO CROSSED A STREAM AFTER THE RAIN.
WHEN THE PLANK BROKE, SHE CRIED.
THERE WAS A VERY STRONG TIDE.
HER BELONGINGS WERE FOUND IN A DRAIN!!

A SWISS MISS FROM THE TOWN OF LUCERNE,
AFTER SCHOOL SHE HAD PLENTY TO LEARN.
SHE'D LEARNT TO WRITE AND TO READ,
WHICH SHE KNEW SHE WOULD NEED,
BUT SHE KNEW NOT LEMONADE FROM SAUTURNES!!

WHEN I READ OF MY DAYS IN SCOUT CAMP,
WHERE THE WEATHER WAS OFTEN QUITE DAMP.
LOOKING BACK I RESENT
THAT AS WELL AS A TENT
I DID NOT HAVE A VERY LARGE GAMP*
*umbrella

AN IRISH TEENAGER NAMED DARREN,
DECIDED TO MOVE OUT TO ARRAN.
SIX MONTHS IN A SMALL SHACK
SOON HAD HIM COMING BACK,
HE DECIDED THE ISLE WAS TOO BARREN!!

WHEN OUR TED MARRIED HIS SACHARINA,
HE SAID HIS HOUSE COULDN'T BE CLEANER.
THEY ROWEDAND THEY FOUGHT
THEY DIVORCED IN THE COURT,
SHE WENT BACK HOME TO ARGENTINA.

THERE WAS A SWISS MISS I'LL CALL HEIDI,
WHO WILL NOT GO TO WORK ON A FRIDAY.
SHE WAS VERY AMBITIOUS,
ALSO SUPERSTITIOUS,
THIS MADE HER LIFE STYLE SO VERY UNTIDY!!

A YOUNG MAN WHO CAME FROM MANILLA,
TURNED INTO A HIGHLY PAID KILLER,
HIS VICTIMS, SAD TO SAY,
ALL FINISHED ONE WAY,
IN FOUNDATIONS TO ACT AS A FILLER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM BELIZE
WITH THE BOYS COULD NOT FEEL AT HER EASE.
SHE WAS GOOD WITH A LENS
SHOOTING ALL HER FRIENDS,
"PLEASE SIT DOWN WITH MY MUM, AND SAY "CHEESE"!

THERE WAS A YOUNG STUDENT FROM ICELAND
WHO SAYS HIS HOME COUNTRY'S A NICE LAND.
AT UNIVERSITY
HE FACED ADVERSITY
GERMANY WAS A "FULL OF VICE LAND"

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW FROM LEEDS,
HIS MOTTO WAS "NOT WORDS BUT GOOD DEEDS"
EVEN WHEN DRIVING HIS CAR,
HE'D NOT GO VERY FAR,
HE'D USE LOW GEARS, NEVER HIGH SPEEDS.

THERE WAS A YOUNG FARMHAND FROM MEXICO
WHOSE PARENTS CHRISTENED HIM JERICHO.
HE LIKED NOT THE NAME.
HE WOULD NOT PLAY ANY GAME,
THE OTHERS ALL CALLED HIM SYMPATICO!!

THERE WAS A FRENCH STUDENT NAMED CLAIRE
WHO HAD A HEAD OF LOVELY BLONDE HAIR.
TO MAKE SOME EXTRA CASH
HER DAD SAID "HAVE A BASH"
SHE WENT FROM FRANCE TO ANGLETERRE.

SHE FINISHED UP AS AN AU PAIR,
HOUSE HUSBANDS SHE FOUND WERE A SCARE.
SHE TAUGHT CHILDREN HER TONGUE,
AROUND NIGHT CLUBS SHE HUNG,
FOR THE HUSBANDS SHE HAD NO TIME TO SPARE!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM MATAMOROS,
WHOSE BIKINI WAS ALMOST POROUS.
IT WAS OK FOR THE GYM,
BUT WHEN USED FOR A SWIM,
ALL THE MEN ON THE BEACH FORMED A CHORUS!!

THERE WAS A CARD PLAYER FROM ROKER (U.K.)
CONSIDERED AN EXPERT AT POKER.
WHEN HE HELD THE ACES
HE MADE FUNNY FACES,
HE THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AS A JOKER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM BRASILIA
WHOSE GREEK MOTHER CALLED HER CAMILIA.
WHEN THE CHILD WAS AT SCHOOL
SHE WAS NOBODY'S FOOL,
TEACHER SAID THE NAME WAS UNFAMILIAR!!

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