Food & Drink


A WELL-BUILT TEENAGER, A PUNK
WAS ARRESTED FOR BEING QUITE DRUNK.
HE SAID IN DISMAY
AS THEY LED HIM AWAY
"DON'T TREAT ME LIKE SOME WORTHLESS JUNK!!"

ANN MOSCOVITCH, COULD SHE MAKE A BLINTZE
THAT WAS FIT FOR A KING OR A PRINCE.
SINCE A ROYAL "VERY GOOD"
SHE'S MADE MOUNTAINS OF FOOD,
ROYALTY HASN'T BEEN SEEN AGAIN SINCE!

THE STOCK AT MOISH COHEN'S, A DELI
WAS NICKED BY A THIEF FOR HIS BELI.
IN DESPERATION HE CHOSE
HIS SMALL CAFÉ TO CLOSE,
SO HE SOLD IT. NOW COHEN'S IS MICK KELLY

NO SMOKE WITHOUT………….
A BRIGHT YOUNG LAD WHO GASPED FOR A SMOKE
TOOK A PUFF AND THEN STARTED TO CHOKE.
HE SAID HE WAS GLAD
THAT HE LISTENED TO DAD
AS TO SMOKE, AND THEN CHOKE IS NO JOKE!!

PAT MALONEY WHO LOVED A WEE DRINK,
"WHEN I'M DRIVING I DON'T HAVE TO THINK!"
HE SAID "ON THE LEVEL
I'M A FRIEND OF THE DEVIL
WHO'LL ONE DAY PUSH ME OVER THE BRINK!!"

PAT AND MIKE LOVED THEIR TRIP TO THE PUB,
IT WAS LIKE HAVING A SIP AT THE CLUB.
THE JOKE OF THEIR LIVES
IT WAS THEIR POOR WIVES
WHO LAID OUT THE CASH FOR "THEIR SUB"!

A TOSSED SALAD WAS SET ON THE TABLE,
(BUT HARK TO THE END OF MY FABLE)!
A QUICK FLICK OF THE WRIST
THE DISHES ALL MISSED
AS THE WAITER WAS NOT VERY ABLE!!

BIG BEACH PARTIES ARE LOVELY AND GRAND
WHEN YOU EAT ALL YOUR FOOD FROM YOUR HAND.
THERE'S ONLY ONE FLAW
(BUT YOU'LL STILL EAT LOTS MORE)
THAT EVERYTHING IS COVERED IN SAND!!

MARADONNA'S NAME LINKED WITH COCAINE,
HIS FOOTBALL FANS ASK "IS HE SANE"?
THEIR IDOL, THEIR DREAM,
HAS GONE DOWN IN ESTEEM,
AND THEIR LOSS IS A DRUG DEALER'S GAIN!!

MY FAVOURITE SNACK'S BAGEL AND LOX,
THIS GAVE MY FAMILYSOME SHOCKS.
DAD SAYS HOLES IN FOOD
FOR HIM ARE NOT GOOOD
HE JUST FOUND SOME HOLES IN HIS SOCKS.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED MINNA
WHOSE BOYFRIEND TOOK HER OUT FOR DINNER.
SHE SAID SHE WAS CONCEALING
WHAT SHE'S REALLY FEELING,
WHICH WAS NOT TO GET FAT, BUT GET THINNER.!!

A NIGHT OUT'S AN EXCUSE FOR A BEER,
THREE OR FOUR AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU'LL FEAR!
SO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS,
BACK AWAY FROM THOSE HOPS,
WHILE YOUR MIND AND YOUR EYES ARE STILL CLEAR!

IF LOSING WEIGHT IS YOUR AIM, GO ON DIET,
WHEN OUT SHOPPING DON'T TRY TO BUY IT.
WHILST YOUR WILL POWER SAYS "NO"
YOUR WAISTLINE WILL GO,
YOU STILL LIKE YOUR FOOD? DON'T EVEN TRY IT!!

I MET CANDY, SANDY AND MANDY,
TRIPLETS WITH A LIKING FOR BRANDY.
I KNOW WHO WAS WHO,
IT WAS NOT HARD TO DO,
ONE WAS TALL, ONE WAS SMALL, ONE WAS BANDY!!

A DRUNK IRISHMAN WHO MET AN ELF
SAID IT LOOKED VERY MUCH LIKE HIMSELF!
HE HAS GIVEN UP DRINK,
DOESN'T CARE WHAT FRIENDS THINK,
HIS GUINNESS WILL STAY ON THE SHELF!!

THE NAKED CHEF DEMONSTRATED ON T.V.
YOU WON'T SEE WHAT YOU EXPECT TO SEE.
THE FOOD IS ALL WRAPPED
BEFORE IT IS ALL SLAPPED
THE CENSOR SAID APRONS SHOULD REACH THE KNEE!!

THERE WAS A WEALTHY YOUNG LAD NAMED WILL,
WHEN INVITED TO DINE IGNORED THE BILL.
AT THE TIME IT WAS DUE
HE WOULD STROLL TO THE LOO
RESTAURANTERS WOULD CALL HIM "PIG SWILL"


THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED VALERIE
WHO WAS ALWAYS FIGHTING THE CALORIE.
ALTHOUGH FOOD WAS EXTENSIVE,
IT PROVED TO BE EXPENSIVEAND USED UP A LOT OF HER SALARY.

A YOUNG WEAKLING WHO WAS NAMED JESAMINE,
WAS HEAVILY DOSED WITH A VITAMIN.
SHE FINISHED A LONG COURSE,
PUT ON WEIGHT LIKE A HORSE,
BUT STILL MANAGED TO LOOK FEMININE.

AN OLD FASHIONED LADY CALLED SABINE
SMOKED HEAVILY, HER CHOICE BEING "WOODBINE".
SHE CHOSE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE CHEAP,
RECORDS SHE DID NOT KEEP,
THE AFTER EFFECTS SHE COULD NOT DEFINE!

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