Families, Children, Youth


SHE INFORMED HER DEAR HUSBAND WITH GLEE
WE'LL SOON BE TWO PLUS,DEAR, THAT'S THREE!
DICK, TOM, MICHAEL OR HARRY,
ASHLEY, JON EVEN BARRY,
SHE SAID "MAYBE HE'LL BE A SHE!!"

LATE IN LIFE THEY HAD WILD DAUGHTERS THREE
WHOM THEY CALLED FAITH, HOPE AND CHARITY.
WITH THEIR FIGURES SO NEAT
THEY TOOK TO THE STREET,
EACH ONE WAS A WOMAN P.C.*
* woman police constable = lady policeman.

THE CUB SCOUTS WENT TO CAMP FEELING SCARED,
THEIR FOLKS WANTED TO KNOW HOW THEY FARED.
AFTER A WEEK AT THE SITE
WHEN IT RAINED DAY AND NIGHT,
THEY FARED WELL BECAUSE OF "BE PREPARED"

A BOEING JET,TEL AVIV TO NEW YORK
WAS PASSED BY A WELL LOADED STORK.
"I CANNOT STOP TO SPEAK
THE BABE'S DUE EARLY NEXT WEEK,
IF I'M LATE THE PARENTS WILL SQUAWK!!

A GRANDCHILD TO THE FAMILY WAS ADDED,
WEARING TROUSERS ABSORBENTLY PADDED.
THE GRANDPARENTS GAZE
AND REMEMBER THE DAYS
WHEN THEIR OWN BOY OR GIRL WAS SO CLAD(DED)!!!

WHEN THE BABY IS PUT IN ITS BARF (bath)
IT SPLASHES AROUND FOR A LARF (laugh)
AS MUMMY GETS WILD
AND SCOLDS THE YOUNG CHILD,
IT INCREASES ITS SPLASHING BY HARF (half).

THE LADY WHO WAS PUSHING A PRAM
FROM THE DERRIERE LOOKED LIKE A YOUNG MAM.
WHEN SEEN FROM THE CHEST
SHE WAS WELL PAST HER BEST,
SHE WAS MUTTON WHO WAS DRESSED UP AS LAMB!!

THERE WAS A SCOUTMASTER NAMED BRENT
WHO SLEPT EVERY NIGHT IN A TENT.
EVERY NIGHT, EVERY SEASON,
HE WAS THERE FOR A REASON,
FOR HIS SLEEPING HE DID NOT PAY ANY RENT!!

I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER MY DAD
HE'D READ THE PAPER NOT MISSING AN AD.
HE SAID IT MADE THE MIND MIX
LIKE MINI POLITICS,
HE WILL PASS IT ON TO HIS OWN LAD!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM PERTH,
WHO DREADED THE THOUGHT OF CHILD-BIRTH.
AS HER WAIST-LINE GOT TIGHTER,
SHE SAID SHE'D GET LIGHTER,
HOPING IT WAS JUST NATURAL GIRTH!!

WHEN SHE GOES ON A TRIP SHE ENJOYS,
THE SEAS AND THE SHORES---AND THE BOYS.
I KNOW SHE SHOULDN'T OUGHTER,
BUT SHE'S MY ONLY DAUGHTER,
I WISH SHE'D NOT TREAT BOYS AS TOYS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED DRUSCILLA,
WHO GREW UP IN A VERY POSH VILLA.
SHE DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE
WITHOUT TOO MUCH KNOWLEDGE,
BUT GAINED A LIKING FOR MANZANILLA!*
* Manzanilla-a very dry sherry

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED FRANKIE,
WHOSE MOTHER SAID NO HANKY-PANKY.
WHAT YOU DO, WHERE YOU GO,
ALL YOUR FRIENDS I MUST KNOW,
OTHERWISE YOU'LL MAKE ME VERY CRANKY!!

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS A BOY SCOUT,
OUR ACTIVITIES WERE INDOORS AND OUT.
WE WOULD GO OFF TO CAMP,
IN GOOD WEATHER, OR DAMP,
THAT IS WHAT SCOUTING IS ALL ABOUT!!

THERE WAS A LARGE LADY NAMED GAIL
WHOSE SIZE WAS COMPARED TO A WHALE.
AT THE SEA FOR THE DAY
SHE SWAM IN THE BAY,
SOME SEA-SCOUTS HOPPED ABOARD FOR A SAIL!!

HIS MUM WAS AFRAID OF YOUNG KEVIN,
WHO WAS REALLY QUITE WILD AT AGE SEVEN.
WHEN HIS DAD CAME FROM WORK
KEVIN HAD A STRANGE QUIRK,
HE BEHAVED LIKE AN ANGEL FROM HEAVEN!!

I ONCE HAD A SCHOOL FRIEND NAMED JANE,
WHO'D COME INTO MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN.
SHE HAS CURVES HERE AND THERE
BUT MY WIFE DOESN'T CARE
THAT IN THOSE DAYS SHE WAS QUITE DULL AND PLAIN!!

I ONCE HAD AN AUNTIE HORTENSE,
IN FAMILY MATTERS SHE SAT ON THE FENCE.
SHE WOULD VISIT US ALL,
SPRING WINTER AND FALL.
WE SAID NOTHING-SHE HAD LOTS OF PENCE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG CUB SCOUT NAMED SHAY,
WHO DID AT LEASE ONE GOOD TURN EV'RY DAY.
LADIES CROSSING THE STREET,
THAT MADE HIS DAY COMPLETE,
DOING DEEDS , WAS TO HIM, MAKING HAY!

THERE WAS A LARGE FAMILY, THE LARKS,
WHO LIVED IN THE COUNTY OF BERKS( PRONOUNCED BARKS)
THEY ENJOYED TILLING SOIL
UNTIL THEY STRUCK OIL
AND THEY RUINED THE COUNTY'S BEST PARKS!!

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