Entertainment


WHEN THE CIRCUS COMES IN TO OUR TOWN
THE "BIG TOP" BECOMES ITS BIG CROWN!
AS THE YOUNG EAGER FACES
MAKE THEIR WAY TO THEIR PLACES,
THEY WAIT FOR THEIR FAVOURITE-THE CLOWN.
Big Top = the main tent!

THE YOUNG LADY UP ON THE TRAPEZE
HANGS THERE HOLDING ON WITH HER KNEES.
SHE SWINGS TO AND FRO
AS IF NOWHERE TO GO,
LIKE A FLOWER GENTLY CAUGHT IN A BREEZE.

"YOU'RE A WONDERFUL DANCER, HE PURRED,
MAY WE SOON DANCE AGAIN. SHE DEMURRED.
"I THINK I'LL RETREAT
AS YOU'VE RUINED MY FEET,
THE REST OF MY NIGHT IS DEFERRED"!!

AN OLD TIME COMEDIAN NAMED BERTIE
HAD A ROUTINE THOUGHT RATHER DIRTY
FOR SIX DAYS EACH WEEK
HE WAS KNOWN FOR HIS CHEEK,
BUT SEVEN NIGHTS A WEEK HE WAS FLIRTY!!

A RETIRED JAZZ MUSICIAN NAMED JOE
SAID HIS LONG LIFE HAD ALWAYS BEEN "GO".
NOW THAT HE'S HAD HIS CHIPS
HIS WORN OUT "HOT LIPS"
ARE BOTH PURSED UP WITH NOTHING TO BLOW!!

A VERSE WRITER WAS PUBLISHED BY "PUNCH"
WROTE HIS WORK AT HIS BREAKFAST AND LUNCH.
TUESDAYS TO MONDAYS
BUT NEVER ON SUNDAYS,
AS ON THAT DAY HE ONLY HAD BRUNCH!!

A YOUNG DEBUTANTE CALLED LAVINIA
AT THE BALL SAID I'M HERE AND I'LL SINIA.
IN A BLURRED DRUNKEN DRAWL
SAID "I'M BELLE OF THE BALL"
"AND TO PROVE IT I'VE DRUNK ALL THE GINIA"!!

WHEN THE ICE-SKATERS PRESENTED THEIR SHOW,
AT FIRST I DID NOT WANT TO GO.
WITH THEIR ACTIONS PRECISE
AS THEIR SKATES CUT THE ICE,
AT THE END, MY HANDS, CHEEKS AND HEART WERE AGLOW!!

WHEN THE POP GROUP BOUNDS ONTO THE STAGE,
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST OUT OF A CAGE!
THE NOISE IN DECIBELS
INCLUDING THEIR FANS' YELLS.
DO YOU THINK THAT THEY ARE WORTH THEIR WAGE?

MAE WEST HAD "IT"-OLD TIME SEX APPEAL,
EVERY SCENE THAT SHE MADE SHE WOULD STEAL!
HER MALE FANS GAVE THEIR PAYS
TO SEE THEIR OWN MAE'S
AMPLE CURVES FILL THE SCREEN IN EACH REEL!!

IN A NIGHT CLUB IN DOWN TOWN HONG KONG,
THE STAR SINGER STARTS OFF WITH HER SONG.
IT STARTS OFF EASTERN STYLE
BUT JUST LISTEN A WHILE,,
IT'S HARD TO KNOW IF THE TUNE'S WHITE OR WONG!!

A COMEDIAN KNOWN AS AN OLD SOAK,
FELL FLAT WHEN HE TOLD A NEW JOKE.
HE SAID "WHAT CAN I DO
GOOD SCRIPT WRITERS ARE FEW,
"I'LL WRITE MY OWN AND I'LL STICK TO COKE"!!

A YOUNG MAN FROM DOWNTOWN TEL AVIV
SAYS NIGHT TIME IS THE TIME HE CAN LIVE!
FROM THEATRES AND CLUBS
TO LOUNGE BARS AND THE PUBS,
"MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE'S TAKE, NOT GIVE!!"

A FILM STAR WHO'S PAST HER BEST DAYS
RETAINS HER FIGURE WITH ELASTIC AND STAYS!
AS HER GIRTH KEEPS EXPANDING
FEWER PARTS SHE IS LANDING,
SHE SAYS "IT'S A NON PASSING PHASE!"

A YOUNG FRENCH BALLERINA FROM BREST
FOR PREMIERE DANCEUSE FAILED THE TEST.
TO HER LASTING DISGRACE
SHE FELL FLAT ON HER FACE,
HER TEACHER SAID SHE HAD TOO MUCH CHEST!!

THE HARPIST WAS PLAYING AT EALING
HER FROCK FAILING ITS JOB OF CONCEALING.
AS HER FINGERS PLUCK STRINGS
THE AUDIENCE SEES THINGS
THAT MAKES THE PERFORMANCE REVEALING!!

LOLITA LA PAZ IS A STRIPPER,
SHE HAS A DEEP FEAR OF THE ZIPPER.
AS A MINOR CONCESSION
TO HER LURID PROFESSION,
"VELCRO" REPLACES THE NEED FOR THAT GRIPPER!!

WHEN THE CONDUCTOR RAISES HIS "STICK" (BATON)
IT'S SO QUIET! ONE COULD HEAR A WATCH TICK.
AS HE WRIGGLES HIS CHASSIS
(FROM THE BACK THIS LOOKS CLASSY)
HE ADMITS THAT HE WON'T MISS A TRICK

THE ROPE WALKER WALKED WITH TREPIDATION
HE WAS UNDER THE MILDEST SEDATION.
AS HE ASCENDED THE LATTER
HE'D NOT EMPTIED HIS BLADDER,
AND WAS LIABLE TO GET LIQUIDATION!!

AN OPERATIC SOPRANO FROM ROME
LOVED TO SING IN THE SHOWER AT HER HOME.
THE CLOSE NEIGHBOURS AROUND
DID NOT LIKE THIS SOUND,
THEY WISHED SHE'D LOSE HER METRONOME!!

A TITLED LADY TURNED UP AT THE BALL
SHE WAS AS THIN AS A RAKE, AND TOO TALL.
THERE WERE SCENES OF DEPRAVITY
WHEN THE FORCES OF GRAVITY
GAVE WAY AS SHE ENTERED THE HALL!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADDY NAMED BAILY,
WHO MET A NICE LASS AT A CEILIDH*
HARD TO UNDERSTAND
HE SAT AND HELD HER HAND
SHE WAS THERE FROM HAIFA, AN ISRAELI!

HER FEET TAPPED TO THE SOUND OF THE FIDDLE,
SHE JIGGLED AS IF ON A GRIDDLE.
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME
SHE SAID HER HAIR SHE MUST COMB
SAYING "SHALOM" AS SHE LEFT IN THE MIDDLE!!
**Irish traditional Dance.

AN AUSTRIAN WAS A DEVOTEE OF STRAUSS
HIS MUSIC WAS HEARD ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
HIS GIRLFRIEND SAID "MUSIC
IS MAKING ME SO SICK"
THIS CAUSED TROUBLE WHEN SEEKING A SPOUSE!!

MAC'S LIFE WAS A PRACTICAL JOKER,
HE WAS TOPS FOR A RETIRED BROKER.
HE WAS GOOD TO THE END
WHEN FOUND BY A FRIEND,
BATTERED TO DEATH WITH A HEAVY POKER.

HE WAS FOUND ON THE FLOOR NEAR THE FENDER,
HE LOOKED LIKE HE'D BEEN ON A BENDER.
THERE WAS BLOOD ON HIS HEAD,
HE WAS OBVIOUSLY DEAD,
THE MAN THOUGHT OF AS A NEVER-ENDER!

THE POLICE CAME WITH A RING ON THE BELL,
"'ULLO, 'ULLO, 'ULLO, WHAT THE 'ELL,
IT'S THE JOKER, OLD MAC
WHO'S LAID FLAT ON HIS BACK,
LOOK AT 'IM. LYING THERE LIKE 'E FELL!!"

THE DETECTIVES SOON CAME IN THEIR MACS,
"WE WANT TO KNOW ALL OF THE FACTS"
"WE DID NOT LIKE YOUR FRIEND
BUT WE DON'T LIKE 'IS END"
"IT LOOKS AS IF 'E WAS KILLED BY AN AXE"

JUST THEN THEY ALL RECEIVED A SURPRISE,
THE "CORPSE"AROSE BEFORE THEIR VERY EYES.
"WITH MY OWN CROAKING
I HAVE FINISHED WITH JOKING"
HE FELL! A HEART ATTACK WAS HIS REAL DEMISE!!

THE END

THE TENOR WAS PREPARED FOR HIS ROLE,
HIS MANNER AND VOICE UNDER CONTROL.
A NOTE RASHLY REACHED
LIKE A WHALE RUDELY BEACHED,
WHAT THE CRITICS SAID WASN'T SO DROLE!

THE COMPOSER COMPOSED NOTE BY NOTE,
IT PROGRESSED-SO HE PLAYED WHAT HE WROTE.
HIS SYMPHONIC VARIATIONS
AND INCESSANT GYRATIONS
"SHOULD GO BACK WHERE THEY STARTED" END QUOTE!!

THE CONDUCTOR HAD RAISED UP HIS BATON
SAW A CHOIR MEMBER STILL HAD HER HAT ON!
HE LOWERED THE STICK
THE HAT CAME OFF DAMN QUICK,
HE HAD TIME TO PUT HIS CRAVAT ON!!

A YOUNG ACTIVE DANCER NAMED CLIVE
ATTEMPTED TO REINTRODUCE JIVE.
THE GIRLS THAT HE'D ASK
WERE NOT UP TO THE TASK,
THEY PROVED TO BE HARD TO REVIVE!!

THE BALLROOM DANCERS TOOK TO THE FLOOR,
TO DANCE PASA DOBLE, THE JIVE AND LOTS MORE!
AS THEY WRITHED AND THEY TWIRLED
TO BE BEST IN THE WORLD,
THEIR STANDARD RANGED FROM TREMENDOUS TO POOR!!

THE BALLERINA TRIPPED ON TO THE STAGE,
ON HER FACE THERE WERE TRACES OF RAGE.
SHE WORKS MANY HOURS
FOR BUNCHES OF FLOWERS,
BUT SHE CAN'T GET A RAISE IN HER WAGE!!

THERE'S A YOUNG CHINESE GIRL FROM BEIJING,
WHO'S FAMILY ADVISED HER TO SING.
HER YOUNG VOICE CAN BE HEARD,
IT'S AS CLEAR AS A BIRD,
TRADITION AND CULTURE SHE WILL BRING!!

LOLA WAS A LOVELY FAN DANCER,
SHE WAS ALSO A FLIGHTY ROMANCER!
IN HER CLUB EVERY WEEK
SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH A SHEIK,
SHE RETIRED WHEN SHE DID NOT GET AN ANSWER!!

AN OLD FAIRGROUND BUSKER NAMED JOE
USED HIS VOICE TO SELL EVERY SIDE-SHOW.
FAT LADIES, SMALL MEN,
A TWO HEADED HEN,
IT'S A PLACE FOR WHOLE FAMILIES TO GO!!

THE HARPIST HAD TO PULL A FEW STRINGS,
TO GET THE RECOGNITION FAME BRINGS.
HER FINGERS PRODUCED NOTES,
CRITICS PRODUCED QUOTES,
MAYBE IT'S THE WAY HER DRESS CLINGS!!

A BANDLEADER IN A NEW FLASHY SUIT,
SAID ITS FLASHY STYLE'S SIMPLY CALLED "ZOOT".
IN FRONT OF THE BAND,
WHO SAID IT WAS GRAND,
HE HEARD SOME DANCERS SAY IT WAS CUTE!!

HE'S A BUSKER, HE PLAYS IN THE STREET,
NO, NOT GAMES: HE SHOWS OFF WITH HIS FEET.
HE TAP DANCES WITH SKILL,
HIS ACCOMPANIST'S BILL,
BOTH THESE MEN "GO DOWN A FAIR TREAT"!!

THERE WAS A FILM MAKER NAMED CRANDALL,
WHO FREQUENTLY FLEW OFF THE HANDLE.
HIS LEADING LADY, A BLONDE
FROM THE FILM DID ABSCOND,
FINANCIALLY SHE COULD NOT FACE A SCANDAL!!

A RETIRED MOVIE QUEEN ON THE SET
CARRIED HER SMALL PEKINESE PET
WHEN SHE RECEIVED SOME APPLAUSE
THE PEKE CLAPPED HIS FRONT PAWS,
ONE OF THEN, I DO THINK, NEEDS THE VET!!

A POP GROUP THAT IS CALLED "VAMPIRE BATS"
ON STAGE DRESSED IN BLACK COATS AND BLACK HATS.
THEIR STAGE PRESENTATION
BRINGS FORTH CONDEMNATION,
AS THEY EXPOSE THEMSELVES TO THE "COOL CATS"!!

THERE'S A YOUNG T.V. HORROR NAMED BART,
WHO'S MORE OFTEN THAN NOT "IN THE CART".
HOMER, WHO IS HIS DAD
IS ALMOST AS BAD,
BUT THE SIMPSONS DO REALLY HAVE HEART!!

A COMIC WHO CAME FROM THE AZORES,
DID HIS ACT AND RECEIVED SOME APPLAUSE.
SAD TO SAY, I RECALL
HE DID NOT PLEASE THEM ALL,
HE'S AFRAID TO BE SEEN OUT OF DOORS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG ACTRESS NAMED TRISH,
WHO WAS CONSIDERED BY SOME "QUITE A DISH"!
HER FIRST VIEW ON THE SCREEN
WAS CONSIDERED OBSCENE,
HER CAREER CAME TO AN END---IN A SWISH!!

THE VENTRILOQUIST HAD A GOOD DUMMY,
WORKING FROM A GAS TANK IN ITS TUMMY.
IT COULD SAY A.B.C.
AS ITS BOSS DRANK SOME TEA,
BUT NEITHER WAS GOOD AT GIN RUMMY!!

THE TOPLESS WAITRESS SHOWED PLENTY OF SKIN,
SHE'D DANCE, SHE WOULD JUMP AND SHE'D SPIN.
IF YOU GAVE HER A $
YOU'D GET HOT UNDER THE COLLAR
UNLESS YOU FOUND DRINKING A SIN!!

HER MUM WAS AN EXOTIC DANCER
SHE USED A SNAKE IN HER ACT TO ENHANCE HER.
ONE DAY IN HER BREAK
IT THOUGHT SHE WAS A SNAKE,
WHY? NO-ONE COULD PRODUCE THE RIGHT ANSWER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED DOLLY
TO WHOM, WHEN I FIRST MET HER, SAID "GOLLY"
"ONE OF G-D'S LOVELY CREATURES,
WITH OUTSTANDING FEATURES,
I'M SURE THEY'VE BROUGHT YOU LOTS OF LOLLY"!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY FROM STROUD,
WHO STRIPPED NAKED IN FRONT OF A CROWD.
FOR HER OWN SALVATION
SHE RAN TO THE POLICE STATION,
THE SERGEANT SAID "MISS, THAT'S NOT ALLOWED"!!

A TIMPANIST STANDING AT HIS DRUMS,
WAS RESTING AND TWIDDLING HIS THUMBS.
WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DRUMMING
A POP TUNE HE WAS HUMMING,
HE RECEIVED THE RUSH LISTED FOR BUMS!!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG SINGER, BENITA,
WHOSE VOICE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN SWEETER.
BUT SINGING OUT VERY LOUD TO BE HEARD IN A CROWD,
HER VOICE NOW SOUNDS LIKE A CAMEL-BEATER.

THERE ARE GROUPS WITH PECULIAR NAMES,
TO THE GIGS COME THE PUNKS AND THEIR DAMES.
HAIRS OF MANY HUES,
SANDALS, SNEAKERS, NO SHOES,
IF THERE'S TROUBLE IT'S PART OF THEIR GAMES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG ACTOR NAMED RHET,
WHO FOUND HIMSELF DEEPLY IN DEBT.
HE GAVE UP HIS CHANCES
OF ROLES IN ROMANCES,
HE MADE MORE PLAYING BLOOD, TEARS AND SWEAT!!

A DEBUTANTE STAYING IN CRETE,
FOUND, ON A HORSE, THAT SHE HAD A GOOD SEAT!
WHEN IT CAME TO THE BALL,
SHE RODE FOR A BIG FALL,
SHE HAD TWO VERY AWKWARD LEFT FEET!!

THERE IS AN OLD COMIC NAMED MURRAY,
WHO SPEAKS ALL HIS LINES IN A HURRY.
HIS JOKES ARE GRADE NIL,
EVERYONE'S HAD THEIR FILL,
HIS CAREER'S AT A STAGE HE SHOULD WORRY!!

WHEN I HEAR A D.J. ON THE AIR,
HE SOUNDS LIKE HE HASN'T A CARE.
WITH A NICE PLEASANT VOICE,
PLAYING DISCS OF HIS CHOICE,
I HAVE A NICE VOICE.----IT'S NOT FAIR!!

JOHN FRANCIS ALOYSIUS ST. CLAIR,
THOUGHT HIMSELF AS ANOTHER ASTAIRE.
HIS NAME UP IN THE LIGHTS,
ONE OF SOHO'S NEW SIGHTS,
WITH HIS NAME THAT LENGTH, HE HEATS UP THE AIR!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG STARLET NAMED HOPE
WHO DECIDED TO MAKE A NEW SOAP.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER
TO CALL IT "WHITE HEATHER"
THE ANSWER'S IN HER OWN HOROSCOPE!!

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG WE WENT TO SOME DANCES,
SOME OF THE MOB LOOKED FOR ROMANCES.
IF THE GIRLS WANTED FOOD
THAT WASN'T TOO BLOOMIN' GOOD,
IT DEPENDED A LOT ON OUR FINANCES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG ACTRESS NAMED LEAH
WHO WORE REALLY OUTSTANDING GEAR.
IN ALL SORTS OF WEATHER
SHE WORE CLOTHES OF LEATHER,
AND HER FIGURE LOOKED SWELL FROM THE REAR!!

AN ASPIRING YOUNG ACTOR CALLED KIRK,
SAYS HE'S PAID VERY WELL FOR HIS WORK.
HE'S ASKED WHAT'S HIS FORTE,
HE REPLIES THAT IT'S NAUGHTY,
AND LOOKS AT HIS CO-STAR WITH A SMIRK!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED NICOLE,
WHO, AFTER SCHOOL YEARS SPENT TIME ON THE DOLE.
SHE DID NOT REALIZE
THAT WITH HER LOVELY EYES,
SHE'D MAKE BROADWAY IN A STARRING ROLE!

THERE WAS A NICE YOUNG LADY NAMED JEAN
I MET HER WHEN SHE WAS ONLY NINETEEN.
SHE WAS A SINGER/DANCER,
I HAVE NO BRAINY ANSWER,
I FELT ALREADY SHE IS A HAS-BEEN!!

A YOUNG ENTERTAINER CALLED STAR,
IN A PUB SANG AND DANCED ON THE BAR.
THE PATRONS WERE REELING,
HER COSTUME REVEALING,
AS FIVE AND TEN DOLLAR BILLS FILLED HER BRA!!

A POP SINGER WHO FEATURES THE BLUES,
COLLAPSED AS SOON AS HE HEARD THE BAD NEWS!
HE HAD SLIPPED DOWN THE CHARTS,
HE NO LONGER BROKE HEARTS,
HE FELT HE HAD BLOWN HIS MAIN FUSE!!

AN ASPIRING YOUNG BLUES SINGER CALLED ELLY,
SAYS, AS SHE SINGS, HER KNEES TURN TO JELLY.
ON A NERVOUSNESS GAUGE,
WHAT WAS WORSE THAN THE STAGE
WAS APPEARING ON HER LOCAL TELE.!!

A MAN TOLD HIS FRIEND "I'VE A SHACK, SON,"
"I THINK I'LL BEHAVE LIKE A JACKSON!"
"I'LL FILL IT WITH BOYS"
"PRETEND THAT THEY ARE TOYS"
"IF I'M CAUGHT I DON'T THINK I'LL BE BACK, SON!"

THERE WAS A YOUNG ROADIE NAMED JAYDE,
ON THE WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL SHE'S AFRAID.
SHE CARRIES LOTS OF CRACK
IN A PACK ON HER BACK,
WITH HER SCHOOLMATES SHE OFT USED TO TRADE.

A FORMER STAR, STAGE NAME MAGDELINA,
TOOK A JOB, TO EARN CASH, AS A CLEANER.
SHE WAS TOPS AT HER PEAK
ON STAGE WEEK AFTER WEEK,
WHEN CLEANING MAGDELINA IS ZENA.

ELVIS PRESLEY, TO ALL KNOWN AS THE KING,
NO KNOWN ONLY FOR WHAT HE CAN SING.
HE GYRATED AND WRIGGLED,
HIS BODY HE WIGGLED
GIRLS IN THE CROWDS THREW EVERYTHING*
* Especially undergarments.

A CELEBRITY HAD HER FACE LIFTED,
HER EYES, NOSE AND MOUTH HAD BEEN SHIFTED.
WHEN SHE SNEEZES SHE'S NOT SURE
WHERE TO BLOW ANY MORE,
THOSE ITEMS ARE NO LONGER GOD-GIFTED!!


A COMPOSER WAS WRITING A SONG,
THE WORDS AND MUSIC WENT TERRIBLY WRONG.
MOON, JUNE, SPOON AND THE LIKE,
MANY WORDS RHYMING WITH BIKE,
IT WAS A CRAZY MIXED UP CRADLE SONG.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED PIPPA
WHO LIKE CINDERS SHE LOST HER GLASS SLIPPER.
SHE HAD HAD A NIGHT OUT
DRINKING FAR TOO MUCH STOUT,
AND RAN OUT WHEN SHE SAW A MALE STRIPPER!!

HER BOYFRIEND COULD NOT MOVE HIS EYES,
TO HIM IT WAS NOT A SURPRISE.
AS SHE LEFT, HE STAYED PUT
HER SLIPPER LEFT HER FOOT,
SHE KICKED HIM HARD ON HIS BEST "LEVI'S"


THERE WAS A YOUNG SINGER NAMED HEDLY
WHO CHEWED ON SOME LEAVES THAT WERE DEADLY.
PASSING OUT LIKE A LIGHT
GAVE HIS FAMILY A FRIGHT.
AS HE EXPIRED HE SANG HIS LAST MEDLEY!

THERE WAS A YOUNG PIANIST NAMED BRIGIT,
WHO, WHEN NOT PIANO PLAYING,DID FIDGIT.
SHE COULD NEVER SIT STILL,
PEOPLE SAID SHE WAS ILL,
SHE PLAYED VERY WELL FOR A MIDGET!

MY FRIEND TOLD ME HE BRING GENEVIEVE,
WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR I COULDN'T BELIEVE
SHE WAS AN ANTIQUE
BUT A FILM STAR FREAK,
CROWDS GATHERED AROUND TO PERCEIVE.

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